• AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 3-5 years, D-scoveries, Thoughts, Toddler Years


    We’ve all seen them on the net. The creepy things toddlers say that makes you think they’ve lived another life as a serial killer or frightened the bajeezus out of you because ‘they see dead people.’

    We’ve had our own experiences that not only raised a curious eyebrow, but that eyebrow actually crept so far back over the top of my head, it actually disappeared down my ass crack for its own protection.

    There’s three instances in particular I’ll choose to focus on.

    Creepy Instance #1: The Phantom Footsteps

    For about two years now, Indy has mentioned a constant sound he hears, particularly at night. He says whenever he closes his eyes, he sees feet creeping and running around and that they make a kind of sshh-sshh-sshh sound as they walk. I mentioned one time that it was probably me coming in to check on his clock and put his snacks and water beside his bed for the morning, hoping that would make him feel better. Now he prefers I don’t do that so he doesn’t hear my footsteps. Only now, things have cranked up a notch…

    Just recently he asked us who came into his room last night. When we told him neither of us went in, he insists that not only did he hear the footsteps that he often refers to, but that somebody came in and lifted him out of bed. This ‘somebody’ then carried him out of his room, down the hallway, through the kitchen and into the back living room…then carried him back into bed again.

    Let me just pause a moment…


    Not too sure how to field that question. Mumma was too busy rushing around checking all the doors and windows were locked while I was Googling the number for Ghostbusters. On the upside, at least whatever it was, was kind enough to put him back to sleep. So, that’s a bonus.

    Creepy Instance #2: The Smiling Assassin

    One day, Alice asked me to make her a baby pig out of play dough. She actually asked for a dog, but it turned out to look much more like a pig. I think I convinced her the pig was much cuter.

    ‘Oh, the baby pig,’ she says as she cuddles it warmly to her face. She then asks for a pencil so she can make eyes, so I hand her a pencil and she quite dextrously pokes two holes where the eyes should be. ‘Look Dad, I made eyes,’ she says cheerily. She then happily starts poking holes all over the entire pig’s body, singing and humming to herself, completely enjoying the moment. The pig now looked more like a cheese-grater but hey, she was having fun. She laughs and smiles as she cheerily announces, ‘Look Dad, me makin’ it dead.’

    …Ah…yep. That just happened.

    Creepy Instance #3: Hallway Hello

    A few days ago, Indy crept into our bed as he usually does around 6am in the morning this time to ask us, who was at his door? ‘What do you mean, mate?’ I asked. Apparently, he’d heard the infamous footsteps outside his bedroom door again, only this time, he could see shadows of the feet coming from under the door. When we assured him there was nobody there and that it was probably just his eyes playing tricks on him he looked at us both curiously and asked, ‘Then, who said hello?

    So, I’m not sure if you’ve seen any of the X-Men films where you see the blue-skinned mutant, Mystique, shape-shifts into another form and her skin ripples quite sharply and violently as it does so? Well, that’s how I looked as the goose bumps rippled across my entire body. In fact, both Mumma’s and my goosebumps rippled so hard there was in fact a sonic boom between us.


    We’re moving!

    Not really.

    I have read about sleep hallucinations that can occur just before you fall asleep (hypnagogic) and just before you wake up (hypnopompic) known as what-crazy-assed-whacked-out-shite-is-my-brain-doing-to-me or otherwise known as parasomnia.

    A parasomnia involves undesired events that come along with sleep. Sleep related hallucinations are imagined events that seem very real. They are mainly visual and may also involve your senses of sound, touch, taste and smell. They may even involve a sense of motion. – American Academy of Sleep Medicine

    And I know for a fact, I’ve had my fair share of those. But certainly seems to fit the bill. So, we’re not about to call Ghostbusters or perform an exorcism on our house, but it does remind us of how extraordinary our brains are, especially in those that are still developing their young minds.

    What creepy instances have you encountered with your kids? Please share them in the comments below.

    Nite-nite…and don’t let the bed bugs bite.

    Creepy shadows under the door

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7 Responses to Creepy Things Kids Say To Make You Crap Your Dacks

  • Robert wrote on November 29, 2016 at 7:52 // Reply

    You will all be writing horror films together one day.

    • 40YrOldDad wrote on November 29, 2016 at 8:37 // Reply

      I felt that disturbance in the force too, Robert.

  • Kassey wrote on November 29, 2016 at 8:07 // Reply

    during a daytime thunderstorm last summer our then three year old looked up from his breakfast and stated, in low tones, ‘I will lead the world in darkness’

    I felt like Hitlers mother in that moment.

    • 40YrOldDad wrote on November 29, 2016 at 8:33 // Reply

      Yep. That’s pretty creepy, Kassey.

  • 40YrOldDad wrote on November 29, 2016 at 8:51 // Reply

    There was another instance when Indy was two, driving in the car on the way home from a trip to country NSW, when out of the blue he said, ‘the blue moon makes my heart dark.’ I still remember the silent glare Mumma and I gave each other in the car. I swear we heard the music from Dexter in that moment.

  • Luke wrote on November 29, 2016 at 9:40 // Reply

    The other night Logan woke up crying and saying he couldn’t find his arm. That left me a little disturbed, but smiling.

    • 40YrOldDad wrote on November 29, 2016 at 10:22 // Reply

      I used to fall asleep on my arms and lose all the feeling in them from the circulation being cut off. I’d then roll around on the bed like a wet fur seal trying to get up on the ice until the circulation kicked back in. Reckon Logan knows that feeling too.

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