PARENTING BEGINS AT 40

WELCOME TO THE 40YROLDDAD


A FIRST TIME DAD'S ADVENTURES IN FATHERHOOD AT THE RIPE OLD 'MIDDLE-AGE' OF 40, AND BEYOND.

MY BLOG

Mumma and I tried having kids for over 10 years. 9 failed attempts at IVF, a few miscarriages and a trip to a Balinese Witch Doctor, but still no dice. Then suddenly at the age of 40, we were blessed with our first naturally occurring chatterbox and two years later, blessed again. It is nothing short of an absolute 'miracle'. This blog captures my comedic adventures in fatherhood at the ripe old 'middle-age' of 40 and beyond.

  • Upset man having fertility problem sitting on the bed with his girlfriend

    June 10
    QUEENSLAND FERTILITY GROUP

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: Sponsored Posts

    No Comments

    FILL IN THE BLANKS

    Sponsored By Nuffnang

    If you were alive in the late 70’s, you’d surely remember one of Australia’s greatest game shows, Blankety Blanks, hosted by the late great, Graham Kennedy. It was Channel 10’s ratings-baby and had us glued to the set in stitches, weeknights at 7pm, to witness the madcap, innuendo-ridden hilarity that always ended with a cheeky ‘Dick’ joke between Gra-Gra and Ugly Dave Gray.

    And for 1 in 20 men in Australia with fertility issues, shooting ‘Blankety Blanks’ is a major concern that can stand in the way of feeling like a real man and making your very own baby. And much like the amount of cigars Ugly Dave Gray consumed during the taping of the show, that’s a pretty high number.

    A common misconception with couples having difficulties getting pregnant, is that the issue is generally “women’s business”. Age is the most predominant issue and asking a woman hers, may result in a swift kick to the testes causing further fertility issues and the cycle continues. However, the next most common cause of fertility issues after a woman’s age, are male factor issues (about 40% of the time). Probably related to asking a woman’s age. (more…)

  • Poo bag

    May 30
    5 POOS NOBODY TELLS YOU ABOUT

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 1-2 years, D-scoveries, Daipers, Friday Five Funny, The Baby Years, Tips

    14 Comments

    As a new parent, friends and family are always quick to inundate you with horrendous poo stories from other parents. We’ve all been warned to expect the ‘Krakatoa’ poo explosion, but there’s a few other poo types I’ve D-scovered along the way that nobody ever warned me about.

    So, here’s a list of 5 poos that nobody ever told you about…

    1. The ‘Comprehensive’ Poo
    Similar to the Krakatoa Poo, except that it’s completely contained within the nappy and comprehensive, because it covers quite a large area and (thankfully), just laps at the edges. Phew…you just dodged a bullet.

    2. The ‘I Just Changed Your Nappy A Minute Ago’ Poo
    This is when you ‘um’ and ‘ah’ over whether or not to change the nappy because it’s been a while since the last change, but they haven’t had a poo that day. Sure enough, within a minute or two of deciding to change it, there’s a steamy deposit mocking you as you throw your fist at the sky and plead, “Why didn’t you do that a minute ago?!”

    3. The ‘So You Think You’re Getting Out The Door On Time’ Poo
    The car is packed, the nappy bag sorted, you’ve chased and wrestled for 15 mins to get their shoes on and dressed to go. A look at the clock and you’re bang on time…YES! You strap them into their car seat and that’s when it hits you…NO! That steamy waft and that cherub grin. Like they’ve planned it the whole time. But no need to call ahead, you’ve got a toddler now, nobody expects you to be on time for anything anymore EVER now, anyway. (more…)

  • Problem solver ideas man

    May 18
    PROBLEM SOLVER

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 1-2 years, D-scoveries, The Baby Years

    1 Comment

    It used to be, that if our boy wanted something that we didn’t either feel like doing or didn’t want him to have, it was pretty easy to sway him off the idea through misdirection…look, a unicorn!

    But now that he’s approaching the 23 month old mark, a certain aspect of his behaviour is coming to the fore…

    He’s a Problem Solver!

    A don’t tell me it can’t be done, show me how it CAN be done, kinda guy. He doesn’t focus on the problem, he looks for a solution and man, he has some serious powers of persuasion.

    This behaviour first manifested a week ago when Indy wanted to play with Melmo (Daddy’s puppet creation and fuzzy arch nemesis. See my post Melmo! for details), but instead of simply accepting the standard misdirection, “No, no. Melmo’s asleep now. Oh look, an oxy-torch and a box of matches!” He now purposefully takes your hand, looks into your eyes and nods assuredly and supportively with some gentle but firm ‘yeps’, to sweeten the deal. Like you’ve just been mind-f#*d by a mini Derren Brown. (more…)

  • In the clear

    May 9
    RESULTS ARE IN…

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 1st Trimester, Events, In the Womb, Thoughts, Ultrasound

    16 Comments

    Indy had just gone down for a nap and I was in the loo when I heard it. Not that, THAT…the shrill of Mumma’s ringtone. By the time I made it to the living room, my heart was already in my mouth, which is probably why I couldn’t breathe. Unless it had something to do with a certain There’s Something About Mary ‘frank’n’beans’ moment I had unwittingly recreated in my haste to zip up and hear the news.

    Through wincing eyes and bated breath, I was playing catchup. Having already missed part of the conversation, I had to extrapolate what I thought was being relayed down the phone by piecing together Mumma’s subtle facial expressions, body mannerisms and pupil dilations as she listened intently. Like trying to figure out what’s happening on LOST, when you’ve already missed the first two seasons, there’s just no way.

    Even if she did say something, there’s no way I could have heard it over the pounding of the pulse between my ears, like the guy swinging his hammer at the Rank Arena gong. And suddenly, all at once, there was a resounding SILENCE as she hung up the phone. The results are in… (more…)

  • The Sequel at 12 Weeks

    May 8
    THE SEQUEL: HIGHS AND LOWS

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 0-6 months, D-scoveries, Events, In the Womb, The Baby Years, Thoughts, Ultrasound

    14 Comments

    Our journey into parenthood began a couple years ago with Four Little Words, “You’re f*#ng kidding me!” Now that we’re writing the sequel, there were actually zero words. Just shock. Open-mouthed, jaw dropping shock…for about a day and a half!

    The day before my birthday Mumma approached me on the couch and said, “Hold your hands out…”. Slightly confused and a little disappointed that whatever was behind her back was neither the size nor shape of golf clubs, when she placed the stick with two lines in my hand…my mind got carted for a six!

    Next thing I remember, it was Wednesday.

    Wow, for those who don’t know our story, we tried for 10 years to get pregnant. Endured 9 failed attempts of IVF, quite a few miscarriages and even a visit to a witch doctor but still no dice. We both turned 40 and decided it wasn’t to be, so we decided to have holidays instead of kids. We packed up and moved to Bali for 5 months and fell pregnant naturally with our miracle boy, Indy Wayan, within the first month of living there. Now, he’s just turned 22 months old and is the joy of our lives.

    Never ever in our wildest dreams did we ever expect to ever get pregnant again. EVER! It’s one of those things we always said, “if it happens, it happens”, and we always thought it would be lovely to have another kid, but we never truly actually believed it would (or even could), ever actually really happen. So yes, I was gobsmacked and totally paralysed internally.

    Can we really do this? Is it real? Indy was such a great baby, what if this one’s the devil or worse, barracks for Collingwood? What if it’s a girl? I know nothing about girls, I’m 43 years old now and still don’t understand women fully. What if it’s another boy? I love Indy so much, can I actually even love another baby? I’m considering going back to uni in July. Can we even afford another baby? How will Mumma cope? How will I cope? How will Indy cope? (more…)

  • Sperm donation in Australia infographic

    May 6
    QUEENSLAND FERTILITY GROUP: TO BOLDLY GO…!

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: Sponsored Posts

    4 Comments

    Sponsored By Nuffnang

    If there’s one thing I learned from watching Star Trek, it’s that man’s destiny is in the stars. To seek out new life, new civilisations, to boldly go where no man has gone before. But in order to eventually get ourselves ‘off-world’, we actually have to survive long enough in order for it to happen.

    So we need to make more people, and keep making them!

    As a first time Dad at the ripe old ‘middle-age’ of 40, I understand the pressures of trying to create a family while the old biological stop-watch ticks to a close, like the end scene of Sixty-Minutes. And as a couple who endured 9 failed attempts at IVF (and three failed attempts at world domination), we get how stressful and disappointing in can be to not be able to invade Norway (or create your own family).

    Despite our fertility issues, thankfully (o-miracle-of-miracles), we were indeed fortunate enough to have been able to create a family of our own, having been truly blessed with a beautiful son, that I truly understand the gift that having a child is, to your life. And also feel I’m doing my part for the future of space exploration by propagating our species.

    And although we were able to then conceive our child by natural means, I still feel that going through those 9 failed IVF attempts and miscarriages, somehow reprogrammed Mumma’s body to remember what it’s supposed to do when someone moves into the apartment, instead of organising an ‘everything must go’ sale each time she was impregnated.

    Having faced and overcome our own fertility issues, there is no real way to relay the immensity of joy and love that having a child impacts on your life, other than experiencing it first-hand. And the fact that there are people and companies out there entirely devoted to making that joyous experience available for other couples is probably one of the greatest services you can do for another person.

    One such company is Queensland Fertility Group who have fertility clinics from the Gold Coast to Cairns. In an age where fertility issues are on the rise (no pun intended), 1 in 6 Australian couples experience fertility issues. Which means, if nothing gets done to improve the situation, we’ll only be headed as far as the local 7-11 instead of beyond the stars in the future. (more…)

  • Kidspot Voices of 2014 Top 30 Personal and Parenting Blogger

    April 15
    VOICES 2014 TOP 30 FINALIST

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 1-2 years, D-scoveries, Events, The Baby Years

    2 Comments

    Kidspot.com.au are running their annual Voices blogging program, searching for the bestest and most awesomest voices out there in the blog-o-sphere.

    From over 1000 nominations this year 600 blogs were nominated.

    From those 600, a Top 100 was selected encompassing 3 categories;

    Food & Wellbeing – (30 finalists)

    Beauty & Lifestyle – (40 finalists)

    Personal & Parenting – (30 finalists)

    And unbelievably, we’ve been selected as finalists in the Top 30 Personal & Parenting category!!

    Mumma, Indy and Daddy Celebrate Top 30 Announcement

    I’m both humbled and excited by our inclusion in the Top 30.

    So, I’m actually ‘humbited’ or ‘excumbled’ (I can never tell those two apart, especially when they wear the same sweater vests).

    Amazingly, out of the entire Top 100 there are only 4 blokes. And 3 of us…are Daddy Bloggers! (more…)

  • Fighting ants

    April 14
    ANTS IN OUR PANTS

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 1-2 years, Dad Mishaps, The Baby Years

    2 Comments

    Two days of constant rain. Bailed up, inside Oma and Opa’s place. The backyard is right there, but may as well be a hundred miles away. Two foreheads pressed against the glass, yearning for freedom. One at head height, the other round about knee. That’s when it happened…

    The stupidest idea I’d ever had as a father.

    We both saw it. A break in the weather. A crack in the clouds where golden rays of light spilled down taunting us like a beckoning finger.

    Let’s do it.

    Before you can even say “let’s do it”, he was already rapping on the window, shoes in hand, pleading with Mumma to let him out into the sun. “Okay,” she said, “but you should probably take Indy with you.”  — Fine (sulk, sulk)…

    Off we go. Two intrepid explorers venturing off into the wilderness. Indiana Jones would be proud. Father and son, off to conquer the elements and take on the surrounds like Bear Grylls in Man vs Wild.

    Through the back gate and out into the back paddock. Trudging through knee-high grass, I turned to see Indy’s head bobbing just above the grass-line, grinning from ear to ear. The ground teeming with life. Bugs and insects foraging, building, reinforcing after the rains. Me and my boy, collecting rocks and jumping over puddles. A true Huck Finn moment.

    (more…)

  • Mysterious wormhole wee-wee

    April 13
    INTER-DIMENSIONAL WEE-WEE

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 1-2 years, D-scoveries, Events, The Baby Years, Uncategorized

    2 Comments

    Step aside Twilight Zone, two-steps to the left Amazing Stories and kneel down and bow your head LOST, because our little man just officially blew my mind during breakfast that sent a shock wave of “What the…” rippling down our spines.

    Checking my emails at the table while Indy munched through his honey-toast dip-dip in his high chair beside me, my spider-sense tingled at the sound of water streaming into the pool under his chair. Fully expecting to look up and see him pouring his water bottle over the side, I was shocked to see it was still in its place, untouched on the table and he was contending with a chewy piece of crust.

    But underneath his chair, lurking like an aquatic troll, was a golden pool of liquid that immediately sunk my spirits and made me groan internally. Oh no, he’s peed himself in his high chair.

    Mumma saw the shock wave ripple in her cup of tea from my sunken shoulders and leapt to lend a hand, but upon inspecting our presumably soaking cherub, he was actually…bone dry! His fiddly bits tucked away inside his nappy and not a drop of wee down his leg hole, his waistband or anywhere in between. But I heard it spill down into the pool and the evidence is clearly…evident. (more…)

  • detour sign

    April 7
    FIDDLY BITS

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 1-2 years, D-scoveries, Daipers, Events, The Baby Years

    5 Comments

    Darkness looms. A figure hunches in the shadows of his nightly prison, incoherent whispers hush quietly, incessantly. A crack of light from an open door spills across the figure, illuminates his damp and blotchy skin. Like Gollum from Lord of The Rings, the creature springs up, shields its eyes from the piercing glare. Its fiddly fingers conceal and protect his ‘precious’ from anyone who would dare try to steal it. The frenzied whispers rise to an audible exclamation as the creature leaps toward the bars and yells excitedly…

    “Wee-wee!”

    Yes, at 21 months of age, our son has discovered his ‘precious’ which he kindly refers to as his ‘wee-wee’. And like Lara Bingle and bad publicity, he just can’t get enough of it. Which is not really a problem in itself. I mean, we both knew it was inevitable that he would eventually find it, and if he wasn’t meant to play with it then God would have given him shorter arms or put it somewhere you can’t reach, like the spot between your shoulder blades or on top of the fridge. But what makes things challenging, is that he tends to dig around inside his nappy for it when he’s in bed and as a result, pees all over himself and the bed.

    So there we are, a tag-team midnight pit crew change. Mumma strips him down and changes his Cookie Monster jammies on the change table, while I strip down and reassemble the cot. Done and dusted in under a minute. Our precision is envious. The whole thing to him occurred as a psychedelic blur of light and fleece, to which his only recollection in the morning must be, ‘how did I change pyjamas in the middle of the night?’ But even then, the flannelette cowboys on his second pyjamas have already worked up a sweat, as he’d been digging around and struck liquid gold, yet again. (more…)

    • Newer posts →
    ← Older posts


WELCOME TO THE 40YROLDDAD

40YrOldDad Logo

I’M ONE OF AUSTRALIA’S TOP 50 INFLUENCERS

NappyBags.com Top 50 Australian Parenting Influencer Award Winner

I’M A TOP 30 FINALIST…

Kidspot Voices of 2014 Top 30 Finalist

I’M A DADDY BLOGGER

Daddy Bloggers

Stalk Me via Email

Get typity wit yo\' \'thang\' in the \'thang\' for a head\'s up of new posts by email.

Join 74 other subscribers.

PLEASE FOLLOW & LIKE US :)

RSS
Follow by Email
Facebook
Twitter

PREVIOUSLY ON 40YROLDDAD

ABOUT ME

I'm a comedian, screenwriter and HomeDad to two gorgeous kids and a hubby to a most brilliant wife and Mumma.

  • COMEDIAN

    Comedy is in my blood. Seriously, last week I cut my finger and three clowns fell out.

  • SCREENWRITER

    I write feature film and television screenplays and one time, at band camp, I wrote my name in the snow.

  • HOMEDAD

    To two little scruffins who are the absolute apples of my eye, the bees to my knees and the pain in my…oh, hey kids, Daddy’s working.

MY STUFF

Who said you could look at my stuff? Well, okay. Seeing as you came all the way down here, but please don't feed the elephant in the corner. I'm the one who has to clean it up afterwards and it can get pretty 'whiffy' down here, let me tell you.

CONTACT ME

Please, write your name. Please, insert your e-mail address. Please, leave a message.