Mumma and I tried having kids for over 10 years. 9 failed attempts at IVF, a few miscarriages and a trip to a Balinese Witch Doctor, but still no dice. Then suddenly at the age of 40, we were blessed with our first naturally occurring chatterbox and two years later, blessed again. It is nothing short of an absolute 'miracle'. This blog captures my comedic adventures in fatherhood at the ripe old 'middle-age' of 40 and beyond.
Things are about to get a bit nutty at our place today as we host our own ‘Chipnic Party’ to celebrate the digital release of Alvin & The Chipmunks: The Road Chip, on iTunes
We’ll be live posting live pics on Twitter and Facebook from 12:30pm today and follow it up with a blog chock full of great pics.
So jump on over to Twitter or Facebook from 12:30pm today to catch all out Chipmunk hijinks.
You can follow our pics at #ChipmunksOnDigitalHD
See you there!
Only 1 day to go…
Something’s coming…
It’s every budding palaeontologists delight. A chance to get up and close with some of the biggest, meanest and ugliest creatures this planet has ever seen…and then, there’s the dinosaurs. If your kids are way too young to watch Jurassic Park without being traumatised by digital CGI dinosaurs and prefer to traumatise them the old fashioned way with the old analogue animatronic dinosaurs with realistic sounds and movements, then Jurassic Creatures featuring Prehistoric Creatures of the ICE at Docklands Harbour Town is just the ticket for you.
Our boy is going through a stage where he loves dinosaurs more than rainbow wrappers…(well, almost) and now that he’s discovered other huge creatures existed other than dinosaurs such as wooly mammoths, sabre-tooth tigers, cave bears and wooly rhino’s (I’m sure that’s a cocktail just waiting to be discovered), his interest in all things dead and buried has been peaked again. And to think you can see them all under the one roof at the same time as your other perennial Dino favourites such as T-Rex, Triceratops, Parasaurolophus, Saltasaurus and more. I mean, come on, even Mother Nature couldn’t do that. She had to keep them separated by millions of years in the back seat so they wouldn’t keep touching each other. But here they are getting along in perfect harmony (I think you an your sister could learn a lot from this?). (more…)
From the moment he was conceived, we knew this day would come. I wasn’t sure if his 3 and a half year old mind could handle the concept but I couldn’t wait any longer. To hell with the consequences. Time to man up and hit this thing head on. Sit down son, I’m about to blow your tiny mind…it’s time you discovered the answer to ‘Where did I come from?’
We sat down together and pushed PLAY on the remote. The PARAMOUNT PICTURES logo on the screen dissolves into a real life mountain and the life-affecting title appears…
RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK
I hold my tongue and my breath in eager anticipation of the question I know is about to come…
‘Who dat man in the hat, Daddy?’
And as the silhouetted figure on screen whips a gun right out of a bad guy’s hand with a stinging crack of blinding accuracy, he steps into the light and we see his face for the very first time…‘THAT my boy, is the man you are named after. THAT, is…INDIANA JONES, Dr Henry Jones Jr. His friends call him INDY and it’s time you found out exactly who he is.’
The next hour and a half was one of the most delightful experiences of my whole parenting journey. Getting to watch Indiana Jones in action through the eyes of my son and seeing him feel as much affinity for that character as I did in my own childhood. He laughed and yelled at the screen and knowing full well he couldn’t sit through the whole thing, we forwarded through the plot developing scenes and focused on the action. He’ll enjoy them just as much when he watches it again when he’s older. It was also my job to cover his eyes during the scary moments, a job that was monitored very carefully by my boy who would yell out, ‘Cover my eyes! Cover my eyes!’ at the slightest hint of any atmospheric musical changes. Still surprises me that he didn’t just cover them himself with his own hands, but that’s why I’m the Dad, I guess? (more…)
T’was the twelfth day of Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring except for two little mice, perched between Mumma and I on the couch. Eyes wide as saucers, breathless with anticipation. ‘A message for me…from Santa?’ my little bloke repeated, eyebrow cocked as if Spock had just been asked if approving a second season of Gogglebox was logical. And there on the TV screen, as large as life (or Matt Preston), was the man himself…
“Santa Claus”.
Live from the PNP (Portable North Pole) console, in brilliant HD quality. And the first three words uttered from beneath his massive white beard had our boy’s eyelids snap open like over-tensioned roller blinds…
“Oh. Hello, Indy.”
He’s never watched ice-cream or scurrying ants with this much intensity. Santa then took him on a secret tour of his wondrous village and reviewed his entire year from his personal book of ‘Indy’ complete with pics of his wonderful birthday party mid year and the not-so wonderful time he drew all over his own legs with Daddy’s textas. It’s as if Santa’s elves had been keeping tabs on him all year. And then the moment of truth arrived, Santa’s Verdict. Was Indy on the ‘Nice List’ or the ‘Naughty List’?
Let’s just say, there were tears involved…and he was on the ‘Nice List’. I think the overwhelm of realising he’s an all but certain chance to get what he asked for for Christmas, was too much excitement for his precious heart.
And then it was Alice’s turn. And although she’s only just turned one, she was still transfixed and jumping with excitement as Santa reviewed her year and made a special mention about her starting to walk. Which totally blew Indy’s mind. (more…)
Being a Dad is pretty awesome and there’s always a lot of advice and tips that people are always willing to give a first time Daddy-to-be. But there’s quite a few things that nobody ever told me about being a Dad which would have been handy to know in the beginning to properly prepare and psych myself for.
So I’ve compiled a short list of things I’ve discovered myself and am willing to share with any Daddy newbies out there.
Here’s a quick list of 5 things nobody tells you about being a Dad:
The only thing worse than hearing fingernails on a blackboard is having your cheeks, eyelids, lips and nostrils shredded to pieces by tiny razor-like Kruegeresque knives forged in the belly of a dragon at the bottom of a volcano.
Even though babies come into this world vulnerable and defenceless, it only takes a few months before their inherent self-defence ninja skills come to the fore. They may look incredibly cute and adorable lying in your arms as you gently rock them to sleep, but they can incapacitate an elephant simply by totally pinching the sh*t out of the skin on your neck with the strength and accuracy of a Vulcan warrior. (more…)
Seeing our kids grow into little beings, I think back to the days when we couldn’t wait for them to start talking and now that those days have arrived, I wish to god for some SILENCE.
The days of sleeping in are as extinct as the dinosaurs. Even when we take it in turns to crawl out and sprawl one-eyed on the couch, drawing the little critters toward us and away from the bedroom like a human mozzie-zapper, so the other one can get 10 seconds of extra sleep. The screaming, yelling, laughing and crying penetrates the walls and drills into your semi-conscious brain like an incessant woodpecker. And then there’s the noise from the kids.
But now that they’ve found their voices, the questions are coming thick and fast. Not since the advent of TV game show Sale of the Century, has anyone been drilled incessantly with questions by a pint-sized ‘Tony Barber’ (or is that, actual size?). I always knew this day was coming and I felt I was more than ready for it, but I completely underestimated the stamina of a 3 year old’s ability to ask the same question over and over before I went insane.
The FBI and KGB have nothing on a 3 year old and the Chinese water torture is but a drop in the tsunami of banal questioning that’s washed over us on a daily basis.
I’m a product of the X-generation but this kid is definitely… (more…)
For a couple weeks now our boy has been exhibiting great strides in independence. Wanting to do many things on his own like climbing the playground equipment, taking himself to the potty or trading blue chip shares on Wall Street.
But today at 3 years and 15 days, our little boy surprised us both when for the very first time in his life he sidled up to my side of the bed at 6:47am to announce…
“Me dress myself!”
A feat even some adults find difficult to accomplish, especially at 6:47am on a Monday. And when my bleary eyes failed me, my hands ran across him in the darkness like a brail Detective novel. Confirming that yes, he’d managed to Houdini his way out of the zip-up onesie, singlet and pull-up he went to bed in and was now wearing jocks, tracky-dacks, a t-shirt and a long-sleeve top. Mind you, the t-shirt was inside out and his right arm was twisted inside the sleeve of his top like an anaconda in a burlap sack, but the evidence was clear. He’d managed it all on his own.
My immediate thrill then turned to despair as I realised my boy is growing up and every day, requires our assistance less and less. And in my moment of self-pity, a sudden thought struck me, ‘Did you have a poo in your pull-ups?’ (more…)
Back in December, I posted about My DIY Co-Sleeper, which I built for Mumma to get easy access to our gal after she was born so she didn’t have to get up, lean over and lift her in and out in the middle of the night.
It continues to get quite a response and I’ve been contacted several times requesting a copy of my plans so they can build their own.
One such request came from expectant father, Adam Harrison, whose first child is due any moment. Adam is a DIY hobbyist with a list of impressive projects including a large wooden linen cabinet, a rustic covered litter box and a tall space-saving shelving unit all in preparation for their new baby.
And the crowning glory was of course, a beautiful baby co-sleeper based on my original designs, with a few tweaks for their own particular house and the materials he had on hand. The finished product looks magnificent and Adam was generous enough to send me some pics to share with you all. (more…)
November 27th, 2017
November 11th, 2017
October 17th, 2017
September 4th, 2017
August 19th, 2017
I'm a comedian, screenwriter and HomeDad to two gorgeous kids and a hubby to a most brilliant wife and Mumma.
Comedy is in my blood. Seriously, last week I cut my finger and three clowns fell out.
I write feature film and television screenplays and one time, at band camp, I wrote my name in the snow.
To two little scruffins who are the absolute apples of my eye, the bees to my knees and the pain in my…oh, hey kids, Daddy’s working.
THEN YOU SAID…