The 40YrOldDad

April 22

EVEN STEVENS

AUTHOR: 40YrOldDad // CATEGORY: 6-12 months, D-scoveries, Events, The Baby Years
3 Comments

22
APR

3-2-1…

That’s it!!

7.27pm: Marks the point at which our little man has now lived longer on the outside of the womb, than the time spent inside the womb.

Which officially makes us…

Even-Stevens!

He’s as much mine as he is your’s now, Mumma. (Don’t try to defeat my logic, it will only end in tears for all us…and by ‘us’, I mean…me).

You’ve spent 41 weeks and 4 days with him on the inside and I’ve spent 41 weeks and 4 days on the outside. I know you were there too…tut-tut. Hush, my love….AND SLEEP! (I’m having a moment). (more…)
April 6

TEETHING – STOCKS LIMITED, GET YOUR’S TODAY

AUTHOR: 40YrOldDad // CATEGORY: 6-12 months, Body Functions, Events, The Baby Years
1 Comment

6
APR

Oh man, teething… how cool is that? I mean, everybody tells you about it, but they forget to tell you just how absolute fun, it can be!

Let’s play Baby Chefs. Where I’m an aspiring chef preparing you a lovely meal and you can be Gordon Ramsay, telling me it’s all sh*t, you’re having none of it and send it ALL back to the kitchen.

Like guessing games? Okay…which cheek is redder?

Or, the perennial favourite…throw up in a public place? The fun never stops!

And productive, my god…totally!

It’s great for your health. Forget aerobics, patooey to pilates, scrap the stairmaster and throw away your old exercise machine forever. Who needs a gym membership when you’ve got, teething! (more…)
April 5

BUB TOOTH TIME MACHINE

AUTHOR: 40YrOldDad // CATEGORY: 6-12 months, D-scoveries, The Baby Years, Thoughts
5 Comments

5
APR

As a kid growing up, I was obsessed with two things. Collecting bread tags…and time travel. (Uh…forget I mentioned the first thing)…

Wide-eyed and tousled hair (yes, I did have hair once and I assure you, it was quite tousled), I disappeared into TV shows like Time Tunnel, Doctor Who, Quantum Leap, Sliders, Buck Rogers in the 25th Century, Star Trek, Planet of the Apes, Ready Steady Cook (again, forget that last one). I built my own play TARDIS in the backyard and fantasised about travelling through time and space.

Then came the movies; The Time Machine, The Philidelphia Experiment, Timecop, Time Bandits, Terminator and Terminator 2, DejaVu, Austin Powers, The Time Traveller’s Wife, Hot Tub Time Machine and of course Back to the Future, just to name a few. All fuel for the Mr.Fusion that is, the Delorean of my mind, flitting backwards and forwards in time and space trying to figure out the hows and the whys. (more…)
April 4

SPREADING MY SEED

AUTHOR: 40YrOldDad // CATEGORY: 6-12 months, D-scoveries, Events
7 Comments

4
APR

Well, today was probably the manliest Dad-thing I’ve managed to accomplish since the creation of my son. And coincidentally, both things involved the spreading of seed.

For months now, the lawn in our backyard has been dying a slow and agonising death, much like the Hollywood career of Lindsay Lohan. But unlike “Lilo”, there’s a pretty good chance of recovery if I’ve done my homework, properly.

After spending the day gittin’ down’n dirty with ma hoes (yo), I got all up in my backyard’s face, woz all over dat sh*t and got to the biznez of whipin’ that lawnz ass, foshizzel. (more…)
October 19

FOUR LITTLE WORDS

AUTHOR: 40YrOldDad // CATEGORY: 1st Trimester, Thoughts
4 Comments

19
OCT

It’s funny how four little words can suddenly turn you’re life upside down…

“You’re f*#king kidding me?”

Okay, that was probably my four words…

“We’re having a baby!”

– that’s hers.

Now, that may not be big news for some people, but considering we’ve been doing IVF for three years; 9 viable embryos (none of which worked out), 2 miscarriages and a witch doctor’s mojo later and still “no dice”…not only had we resigned ourselves to the fact it was never gonna happen, but, we’d already made future plans with “just the two of us…la-de-la-de-da-de-da, the two of us”.

Now all that’s out the window at the grand “middle” age…of 40!

And it is nothing short of an absolute MIRACLE!
April 1

THE NOTSO-FAST WEEKEND GETAWAY

AUTHOR: 40YrOldDad // CATEGORY: 6-12 months, Dad Mishaps, Events, The Baby Years
1 Comment

1
APR

Easter is synonymous for many things. Eggs, chocolate, rabbits, men with beards, hot cross buns, walking zombies and of course…traffic.

So, with that in mind, we decided to get a head start on the weekend and leave for Oma & Opa’s (a marathon 4.5hr drive interstate), on Thursday afternoon. That way, we hoped to avoid hirsute men of all descriptions and while Mumma packed the bags, I packed the car.

Cramming the last of the contents of a small European nation into our matchbox sized sedan (does he really need more than 1200 changes of clothes?) The “eye-roll” suggests, “yes”, the scowl suggests, “just keep packing and shut the hell up”. (more…)
March 26

STAND AND DELIVER

AUTHOR: 40YrOldDad // CATEGORY: 6-12 months, Events, The Baby Years
4 Comments

26
MAR

Brutally hard at work in my office (see: trolling through Facebook), my heart leapt to my throat when my lovely wife sent out a scream from the living room…

“Quick, to the batmobile…er, baby’s room!”

Batteries to power, turbines to speed, paternal instincts kicked into high gear! Nadia Comaneci’d it over my office chair, nabbed a cricket bat mid-flight, kicked the door open, wide-eyed and alert like Shaun of the Dead, ready to wail the willow over any would-be zombie assailant within 3 miles of my son.

Fully expecting our little bloke to be choking, something fallen on him, wrapped in a cord or going Mano-a-Mano with a giant lizard creature from the Gorn Hegemony (see: Star Trek: Kirk VS Gorn), preparing my best Charlton Heston impression…

“Get your filthy paws off him, you damn dirty ape!” (more…)
March 16

WORKING OUT “INDY-GYM”

AUTHOR: 40YrOldDad // CATEGORY: 6-12 months, Events, The Baby Years
2 Comments

16
MAR

Space: the final frontier (how apparent that we’re quickly running out of it). These are the voyages of the commando crawling, Indy-prise. His 8 month mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilisations, to boldly go where no man has gone before…

Gymbaroo!!

(Not to be confused with the Boy Scout’s gigantic week long Jamboree, nor a 3 day festival of Jim Carrey and Jim Belushi films, Jimbaroo – and if there is such a thing…god help us all).

It is in fact, the biggest playmat exercise adventure experience (the size of a basketball court), that Indy has ever seen AND…a heralded saviour and answer to my prayers when wondering how many times can our little bloke circle the couch on his belly, play with the same plastic blocks day after day, figure out my tax receipts and change the oil in my car…all without getting bored? (more…)
March 6

SYNCING OF YOU

AUTHOR: 40YrOldDad // CATEGORY: 6-12 months, Body Functions, Daipers, The Baby Years
2 Comments

6
MAR

I’ve heard that when women spend a lot of time living together that their cycles start to sync, but I never thought the same thing of men.

Until today.

My boy and I are spending so much time together that I suddenly realised, my god…

We’re on the same cycle!

We sleep, we eat…(and poop)…all on the same cycle. Put it down to routine, male bonding or effective time management, but there in lies the dilemma of needing desperately to go at the exact same time you’re changing your son’s nappy. It’s either you or me kid…one of us has to go (though, technically both of us).

So, what’s a dad to do? (more…)
February 27

CREEPY CRAWLER

AUTHOR: 40YrOldDad // CATEGORY: 6-12 months, Events, The Baby Years
1 Comment

27
FEB

Well…first it was Jesus, then it was DYNAMO (the English magician, not the washing powder).

Now…it’s my son’s turn, to…

“Walk on Water!”

Okay, if you wanna get technical (and I know that you do), he can’t actually “walk”, yet.

BUT…

He can “commando crawl”.

And better yet, he CAN do it…“ON” water.

Making him, the first person in recorded history, to EVER… (more…)