It’s amazing how many new words pop into your vocabulary when you’re expecting to become a dad. And you never know where these words are going to come from.
It’s been such a learning experience and I learned a brand new word the other day…
“Infanticide.”
What a cool word…“infanticide”. I thought, that must be when kids dream of what they want to be when they grow up.
“What are you doing little Johnny?”
“I’m infanticiding about being a Policeman when I grow up.”
“Oh, how cute.”
But… (more…)
Schnitzel hits the big 3-0!
30 Weeks and doing well.
And for us, it means…school is in! (New for me, but old news for my lovely wife…she is a school teacher after all).
But this is school…with a difference. The kind of school that’s mandatory to watch videos of naked women, where sleeping in class is encouraged (why else would they ask you to bring in two pillows?) and instead of a diploma, you get a placenta. That’s right, I’m talking about…
Child Birthing Classes!
Or…“How to scare the living sh*t out of yourself, without really trying”.
This is the business end of the stick folks. Here’s my down-on-all-fours, nitty gritty, Top 10 ways to scare you and your partner into thinking, “what the hell have we got ourselves into?”
#10 – Epidurals: A javelin jammed in your spine to make the badman (pain), go away.
#9 – Six different massage positions designed to help ease pain and discomfort during the 2nd stage of labour (and coincidentally, the very same positions that got us into this situation in the first place).
#8 – Describing birthing pain as…indescribable. (Oh goody, put me down for two, then).
#7 – The birthing room is, “no place for jokes”. (Come on, you’re killin’ me, here!). (more…)
In a spooky coincidence, back in 2005, I was part of a sketch comedy show on Channel 31 called Public Holiday.
With some incredibly valuable tips on…
Giving Birth: A man’s guide on what NOT to do.
Featuring me, as “Dr Phil Maballzac”.
(Thanks to my friend Mat Jones at I.M.P. Enterprises for permission to use this footage)
Honestly honey, how bad could it be? Hopefully nowhere near as bad as this.
Please enjoy and feel free to comment 🙂 (more…)
That is the question…
I’m addressing the real nitty-gritty this week. The ONE question that is on every new dad’s mind during pregnancy…
And according to our Balinese gynaecologist, it’s…
 “Tidak apa-apa”…No problem 🙂
BUT…
He did say that there is a chemical in semen, which can actually soften the uterus wall. And seeing as you don’t want to take any risks or complications that may cause anything to go wrong…
You have to go…“outside”
Wow, seriously? Whatever will the neighbours think? I’m a nature lover at heart, but I don’t want ticks or bugs crawling into any holes they shouldn’t be crawling into.
My lovely lady whispers in my ear… (more…)
Week 15 – Holy cow!
Officially moves us into the…
2nd trimester and a brand new year…2012!
At this point, our little tenant is the size of an avocado. Hopefully without the green bumpy skin (I’ve seen “V”…so no lizard baby, please).
All kinds of things are happening.
Fingernails and toenails are starting to grow, as well as being able to make facial movements, as well as the inner ear bones are starting to harden. Which means, soon I’ll be able to tell if it can hear my jokes and judge their quality by the look on it’s face. Maybe we could install a sunroof in mama’s belly so we can peep straight in. Hmm, better not. In case I get the urge to install an eight-track player to go with it…and that’s just all kinds of uncomfortable.
Eyebrows are starting to form and most amazingly, our tiny baby can do something even I can’t do…
I feel just like Carol-Anne in Poltergeist, sitting in front of the tv…
“They’re here…”
Week 14 and…”Baby got back!” (It also has arms, legs, fingers, toes, etc).
Thankfully, my family has arrived safe and sound and we’re all back together again. Now I get to bare my claws and stand over them both, like a defensive tiger fends for it’s cubs, “Heeeeeeeche!”
It was a little weird at first, to be back in each other’s arms after 4 weeks. I felt like a teenager on prom night…all goofy and nervous (and wondering what my date looks like naked?)
And I also discovered that at Week 14, my wife has developed some rather unique talents…
My wife has become…
…a Shapeshifter (cool) 🙂 (more…)
So, being a first time dad at 40, I’ve made an interesting discovery, very early on.
Keep in mind, your lady is going through some changes. Physically, emotionally…mentally.
Assume…NOTHING.
Embrace…CHANGE.
Change of mood, change of mind, change of personality…and it can all happen in an instant!
#1 tip for keeping your lady happy – LOVE HER
She needs your love. She wants your love and the best way to support her through those changes…is to love her…
BUT…
Don’t touch me!
Don’t breathe on me!
Don’t move around me…please! (more…)
November 27th, 2017
November 11th, 2017
October 17th, 2017
September 4th, 2017
August 19th, 2017
THEN YOU SAID…