D-scoveries Archives - Page 4 of 5 - The 40YrOldDad The 40YrOldDad

September 23

THUFFERING THUCOTASH

AUTHOR: 40YrOldDad // CATEGORY: 1-2 years, D-scoveries, Dad Mishaps, The Baby Years, Tips
2 Comments

23
SEP

‘Thith morning’ I had to wonder if our boy was 14 months old or 14 years old, as he displayed an uncharacteristic rebellious streak most often reserved for teenagers than toddlers. The type of rebelliousness that incorporates chains, tattoos and heavy metal rock bands. Spikey hair, Doc Martin boots and Alice Cooper makeup. Leather pants, torn jeans and mono-syllabic grunts with obscene hand gestures.

But for our boy, his rebellious weapon of choice…

‘Body Piercings’, in his case specifically…

HIS TONGUE.

And like most rebellious youths, rather than have a professional perform the gruesome task under strict sterilised conditions in a clean controlled environment, our Billy Idol wannabe opted for the ‘home job’ by piercing his own tongue (not with a sterilised needle), but with his very own…

(more…)
September 16

TOLD OFF

AUTHOR: 40YrOldDad // CATEGORY: 1-2 years, D-scoveries, The Baby Years
6 Comments

16
SEP

If there’s one thing I’ve come to understand in the 14 months I’ve been a Dad, is that toddlers know way more than I ever thought they did. And although he’s not yet conversive in the English language, there is a universal language devoid of any words that my 14 month old son is completely fluent in…

Body Language.

Now although he has difficulty controlling his own movements, when it comes to observing and interpreting the movements of other people, he doesn’t miss a trick. And it taught me a very valuable lesson…it’s not what you say or even how you say it that counts, it’s whether or not he can see you when you’re saying it. (more…)
August 17

THIS IS HUGE!!

AUTHOR: 40YrOldDad // CATEGORY: 1-2 years, D-scoveries, Events, The Baby Years
8 Comments

17
AUG

Holy cow, we hit a HUGE milestone today…
And as a clue, here’s some funky lyrics to help shed some light on the matter…

Step One – We can have lots of fun
Step Two – There’s so much we can do
Step Three – It’s just you for me
Step Four – I can give you more
Step Five – Don’t you know that the time has arrived

Can you guess the song, the band and the hair styles?

If you can, one of two things just happened.

You squealed like a girl…or you groaned like a man. (Both sounds are equally as interchangeable between both sexes. Some men have been known to squeal like a girl when they hear this band and are instantly transported back to 1990…not naming any names) 😉

This can only mean one thing… (more…)
August 9

SUB-URBAN COWBOY

AUTHOR: 40YrOldDad // CATEGORY: 1-2 years, D-scoveries, Events, Places, The Baby Years
2 Comments

9
AUG

“Home…home on the range. Where the pigs and the creepy goats play…”

Ever had an unexpected surprise that turned something potentially ho-hum into something ho-ly crap, this is pretty cool? Like when they originally announced Big Brother was returning, but instead of Gretel Killeen hosting, it will be Sonia Kruger. Or when Matt Smith was first announced as the 11th Doctor Who. Or when M&M’s announced they were adding peanuts to their candy?

Well, the same thing happened when Mumma announced she was taking Granny, Indy and myself to…The Collingwood Children’s Farm.

In my head, I had imagined a small petting zoo. A few corrals with straw, some guinea pigs, rabbits and something exotic thrown in. Maybe a man-eating tarantula…like, Paris Hilton? I mean, it’s Collingwood for crying out loud (ie: inner-city suburbia), what do you expect to fit inside a 1×1 bedroom apartment on top of a fish’n’chip shop? But when we arrived, I had to check we hadn’t just blown in off a tornado because what we saw there definitely had a, “I don’t think we’re in Kansas no more”, kind of vibe to it. (more…)
July 28

IRONINGMAN

AUTHOR: 40YrOldDad // CATEGORY: 1-2 years, D-scoveries, Gadgets, Sponsored Posts, The Baby Years, Thoughts
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28
JUL

Remember the time I revealed my super secret super-duper OCD powers? Well, like Tony Stark from The Avengers, IRONMAN (or should that be, IRONING MAN?), was put through his paces this week when I had the opportunity to test out the latest in the range of revolutionary steam generators (or whiz-bang, tricked-out steam irons), in the form of the Philips PerfectCare Aqua. And trust me, my OCD superpowers were definitely put to the test.

Right off the bat when I opened the box, I was reminded of what Mumma thought first time she ever saw me naked…this thing was HUGE. But, pot-bellies aside…it was so big, Indy informed us he was moving out of home and into the cardboard box it came in…because he needed the extra room!

But when I had it all setup and ready to go, the iron itself is quite small and light, but it’s the huge water tank it’s attached to that makes up the bulk of the unit. It kind of resembles a space helmet like the one that Ed Harris wears filled with liquid oxygen in The Abyss. It’s more like an aquarium than a water tank. I’m not saying it’s big, but Indy did keep looking for Nemo.

I really do ‘loves me some technology’. Which is probably why our house glows after dark and our pyjamas resemble radiation suits. So, the space-agey look appeals greatly to me but…the revolutionary OptimalTemp technology, scares the bajeezuz out of my OCD. See, the thing about this steam iron is…it has NO SETTINGS. (more…)
July 25

COCK-BLOCKER!

AUTHOR: 40YrOldDad // CATEGORY: 1-2 years, D-scoveries, The Baby Years, Thoughts
4 Comments

25
JUL

If you’re unfamiliar with the term, a “cock-blocker” is somebody or something that interferes with a man’s intention and ability to get to ‘home plate’ with the respective object of his desire. In other words, prevents you from…gittin’ sum.

And when you have a one year old child in your midst, then you know the last year has been a little lean in that regard. Suffice to say, ‘uninterrupted alone-time together’ is as rare as hen’s teeth, (or complimentary reviews about Lara Bingle.)

And this past week has been a stark reminder that if calculations are off, even NASA can’t get the Space Shuttle safely through the re-entry window without an explosive shower of fire and debris. I’m no astronaut and it shouldn’t be rocket science to figure it out. It’s all about ‘timing’, so as a comedian, I should have that in spades. (more…)
July 5

BABY GOT BABY BACK RIBS

AUTHOR: 40YrOldDad // CATEGORY: 6-12 months, D-scoveries, The Baby Years
No Comments

5
JUL

Never since The Beatles touched down at Dubbo airport, has there been such a rock star reception for our little, Indy Wayan. And the Balinese people have welcomed him with open arms and much tapping of cheeks, (tapping of Indy’s face cheeks, not tapping their own butt cheeks, that would be just weird).

The first couple days, there was lots of sleeping and adjusting to the heat. But since then, most of our time has been spent in the pool, walking the beach and eating. And boy, can our boy put it away!!

And to think we were having issues with him eating at home. And it’s not just the quantity of food he’s eating, it’s the variety.

Watermelon, papaya, pisang (banana), mangosteen, chicken, mushroom and cheese omelet, mashed potato, banana pancakes, and it doesn’t stop there… (more…)
June 30

THE NEW ‘MILE-HIGH’ CLUB

AUTHOR: 40YrOldDad // CATEGORY: 6-12 months, D-scoveries, Dad Mishaps, Events, The Baby Years
3 Comments

30
JUN

Look, up in the sky! Is it a bird, is it a plane…

In case you weren’t aware, our son was originally conceived in Bali. You can read about it here. The video tape is available for download, as soon as I can work out how to get the tape back out of our old VCR. I’ve tried jemmying it out with an old bread-knife but it just won’t budge, maybe you just have to imagine it…wait…screw that! (That’s not helping, either. Move along, nothing to see here). So, now our boy is about to turn the big…ONE…we thought it only fair he gets to see Bali…from the outside.

Our three hour wait at the airport turned into five hours, once we learned that we had a plane ready for boarding, but no crew to fly the damn thing. True. Either there’s a shortage of pilots graduating from flying school, they slept in, were drunk at the bar (or heaven forbid), they got in the wrong airplane and after realising their error, jumped out at 20,000 feet. Or they saw a couple guys with moustaches and said, “Hey, what size shirt do you take? Do you like epaulettes?” At any rate, the airline gave us food vouchers and Indy entertained and charmed the irritated passengers with his show-off shenanigans in the Gate Lounge before we were finally underway. (Where on earth does he learn such behaviour?)

Around the 30 minute mark, the fear and terror gripped me… (more…)
June 23

NOT THE DROIDS YOU’RE LOOKING FOR

AUTHOR: 40YrOldDad // CATEGORY: 6-12 months, D-scoveries, Events, The Baby Years
1 Comment

23
JUN

Gender Equality has been an issue as far back as there has been…um, well…gender…(I imagine?). And no topic of gender equality has been more current than the topic of Stay-at-home-dads. Enter The 100% Project. A group of inspiring people with a vision to see 100% of Australia’s leadership talent, female and male, equally contributing to our social and economic future.

This month, I have been fortunate enough to contribute an article to The 100% Project’s quarterly publication, Beyond The Spin, where I was invited along with a series of other male writers, to contribute their ideas and observations on the topics of leadership, parenthood and gender roles.

The following article is my contribution to The 100% Project’s June publication of Beyond The Spin… (more…)
June 5

YOU HAD ME AT…BLRRRP!

AUTHOR: 40YrOldDad // CATEGORY: D-scoveries, Events, Thoughts
3 Comments

5
JUN

Wow, here we are at our 100th post and I felt it only deserving that we look back on just how we got here in the first place. For those of you reading this, it was probably through your internet browser, email or mobile device… but that’s not what I’m getting at. Every fairy tale romance has a great origin story, and this is ours…

It started…with a ‘fart’.

Okay, let’s back up a little. I answered an advert for a short film that was being shot the following weekend that for some reason, I had an unexplained overwhelming urge to be involved in. I called the director and the non-speaking role of the boyfriend had not yet been cast. We agreed to meet at her place to audition.

We met the next day and I got the part, I was also informed that the woman playing my girlfriend was also supposed to meet us, but was running late. I couldn’t stay, I literally had a train to catch and as I got to the end of the driveway, she suddenly arrived. Our initial meeting was as brief as Borat’s mankini, with her thinking, “Yeah, he’s cute but much too young for me”, (completely unaware that I was almost a year older than her, thanks to good genes and a regular Oil of Ulan regime), and my thoughts on her…

“Cool, at least she’s not ugly.”

The weekend saw myself booking into a Ranger’s Station at Wilson’s Prom amid a ragtag student film crew, when I suddenly spied a familiar face leaning against the back wall. I sidled up to her and nonchalantly cracked, “Hi, I think I’m your boyfriend?” A come-on line served with so much cheese, you could eat it off a biscuit. I took the rolling of her eyes as a term of endearment, lest my pride be hurt.

Prepping film gear and settling into our cabins, she generously made me a cup of tea and offered an insight into her own cheeky behaviour by stating, ‘You know what my dad used to do to me?” And seared the inside of my forearm, like a cowboy branding cattle, with the back of the scolding hot teaspoon from her cup! So shocked and surprised was I by her sudden and unexpected assault, that I unexpectedly retaliated by sheer reflex, in such a way that was just as equally as surprising and unexpected… (more…)