3rd Trimester Archives - Page 3 of 3 - The 40YrOldDad The 40YrOldDad

June 12

WHAT’S IN A NAME?

AUTHOR: 40YrOldDad // CATEGORY: 3rd Trimester, Thoughts
1 Comment

12
JUN

Week 38 and only two weeks to go!!

Although, realistically, he could arrive at any moment. But at this point, he doesn’t look like budging even though my wife’s belly looks like bursting! It’s kind of like reverse hide-and-go-seek. Where, we know exactly where he’s hiding, but he’s the one who’s counting and we’re all waiting for him to yell out…

“Ready or not, here I come!”

But unless he’s a baby that sounds like Bruce Willis, I don’t actually expect to hear it.

And because it’s getting so close now, there seems to be a lot of emphasis on…THE NAME.

What is it? What does it start with? What does it mean? Is it named after anyone? And most importantly…“it’s not going to be stupid, I hope?” (I’m never really sure if people are referring to the name or the kid, with that one).

And it’s hilarious at what lengths people will go to, to find out the name we picked. The best of which was last weekend, when my parents decided to use my wife’s belly as a biological Ouija-board. They wrote out letters of the alphabet on a piece of paper and called them out one at a time, watching for a kick or a prod from “within”. As my dad put it, “he doesn’t know how to lie yet, so we’ll listen to him, not you.” (more…)
June 4

CH-CH-CH-CHANGES

AUTHOR: 40YrOldDad // CATEGORY: 3rd Trimester, Body Functions, Thoughts
4 Comments

4
JUN

Week 37 which means our schnitzel is officially classified as FULL TERM. So, if he were to pop out into the world right now, he’d be fully formed and functioning. Two words that are ever rarely associated with my brain, especially at the ripe old middle-age of 2191.3 weeks!

And even though our son is due in 3 weeks time, the reality is…like a train without a timetable or a teenage boy losing his virginity…he could “arrive” at any moment!!

And it will change our lives FOREVER!

And as a new dad-to-be, you gotta get used to that word…

“CHANGE”

Because they’re coming thick’n’fast, whether you’re ready for them or not. As these music artists so readily point out:

Change The World by Eric Clapton. Chill Out, Things Gonna Change by John Lee Hooker. Change My Way Of Living by The Allman Brothers Band. Changes by David Bowie. Winds Of Change by Jefferson Starship. I Know I’ve Been Changed by John Hammond Jr. There’s Gotta Be A Change by Jonny Lang. Victim Of Changes by Judas Priest. Change It by Stevie Ray Vaughan. Perpetual Change by Yes.

When my love first announced she was pregnant, I was fully expecting some changes, however, I wasn’t fully prepared for just how BIG those changes would get. Especially when it comes to the size of her belly…Wow! (more…)
May 28

BEING A FATHER

AUTHOR: 40YrOldDad // CATEGORY: 3rd Trimester, Thoughts
2 Comments

28
MAY

Week 36: Four Weeks and Counting…

With only about four weeks to go until we finally get to look into the eyes of our little schnitzel, I’m starting to look at just what being a dad means, for me.

First of all, it means…I’m scared, excited, nervous and thrilled all at the same time. Similar to the time I lost my virginity or…the time I saw The Goodies live on stage at The Melbourne Arts Centre.

But unlike the time I lost my virginity, I expect the experience of fatherhood to last a whole lot longer than a matter of minutes and not leave me with a deep sense of shame and disappointment. And much like The Goodies, no doubt, my appreciation will get better with age.

But the whole prospect of being a father means several other things too.

Being a father means…

Coasting through life with ‘ease’. Nappies, Quick-eze and responsibilities.

It also means the pressure of extinction…no longer hangs on you.

Plus, being a father means that for once in my marriage…I finally get to be the boss of someone! (more…)
May 20

RAIN MAN (BOY)

AUTHOR: 40YrOldDad // CATEGORY: 3rd Trimester, Thoughts
3 Comments

20
MAY

Week 35 and once again, I venture into uncharted territory otherwise known as…

No Man’s Land…

aka — The Baby Shower.

Not quite the tiny cubicle for washing that I was expecting. But why else would they make tiny hotel soaps?

My other visions were similarly inaccurate. The idea of my lovely wife strapped to the hood of a car as spinning brushes and soapy water descend upon her like a car wash. Or the nightmarish vision of being stripped down and prodded with long-handled stiff brooms by people in HazMat suits in radiation facilities.

But thankfully, for all concerned, it represents the showering of love, support and gifts for our soon-to-be Son.

An array of food set out on the table, tastefully catering for the inner-pun in all of us. Included things like…baby cakes, baby muffins, jelly babies and the deliciously funny…schnitzel sandwiches! And a feast of silly games designed to both teach, amuse and make fun of an impending father’s skill at child rearing…that hopefully will alleviate any concerns my wife may have about leaving her two boys alone together in the future. (Either that…or cementing her fears, once and for all). (more…)
May 12

PAINTING THE BABY’S WOMB

AUTHOR: 40YrOldDad // CATEGORY: 3rd Trimester, In the Womb
2 Comments

12
MAY

Week 34 and with only six weeks left to go ’til we meet our little schnitzel in the flesh (well, technically he’s already in my lovely wife’s flesh), but it’s time to make sure we’ve got everything ready. Which means taking a few hours to paint his womb…

Whaaat???

Don’t you mean…”room”?

No. I know what I mean…(and why am I arguing with myself?).

A friend organised a lovely face-paint artist to come and create a mural on the largest blank space we have available at home…my wife’s pregnant belly. Apparently, it’s all the rage. Public hangings, yo-yo’s, iPads and now…belly murals.

Because his actual name is depicted in the design, we’ve had to protect his identity by blurring it out, (in case you were thinking our artist’s parents wasted their money sending her to art school). But all will be revealed once he finally comes out of his womb…ah, room. (more…)
April 21

SCHOOL IS…OUT!

AUTHOR: 40YrOldDad // CATEGORY: 3rd Trimester, Pre-Natal Classes, Thoughts
3 Comments

21
APR

Had our final Prenatal Childbirth Class today, which means school is…OUT!

And boy…did we learn some lessons.

Topics we covered included different ways of inducing births. Who would have guessed that a crochet needle, could also be used to break somebody’s water? (I will be forever suspicious of Grannies knitting booties in the foyer.)

The side-splitting walkthrough of a cesarian. (Which incidentally, is NOT the thirteenth Zodiac sign), but does include a bleeding goat and an altar.

The complex and amazing subject of breast feeding. (I’m a guy…it’s always about the boobs) 🙂

I’m all for expressing an opinion, but expressing milk?…That’s a whole other matter.

BTW: Did you realise we’re the only mammals on the planet that gives birth to our young and then feeds it milk from a completely different mammal? Although, as far as mammals go, I guess cows were a smarter choice. Imagine if we milked whales! Not only would it be damned near impossible to grip your hands around the teat, but how would you keep the bucket from floating away underneath it? Plus, it’s pretty hard to hold your breath and suckle at the same time. (more…)
April 14

SCHOOL IS…IN

AUTHOR: 40YrOldDad // CATEGORY: 3rd Trimester, Pre-Natal Classes, Thoughts, Tips
1 Comment

14
APR

Schnitzel hits the big 3-0!

30 Weeks and doing well.

And for us, it means…school is in! (New for me, but old news for my lovely wife…she is a school teacher after all).

But this is school…with a difference. The kind of school that’s mandatory to watch videos of naked women, where sleeping in class is encouraged (why else would they ask you to bring in two pillows?) and instead of a diploma, you get a placenta. That’s right, I’m talking about…

Child Birthing Classes!

Or…“How to scare the living sh*t out of yourself, without really trying”.

This is the business end of the stick folks. Here’s my down-on-all-fours, nitty gritty, Top 10 ways to scare you and your partner into thinking, “what the hell have we got ourselves into?”

#10 – Epidurals: A javelin jammed in your spine to make the badman (pain), go away.

#9 – Six different massage positions designed to help ease pain and discomfort during the 2nd stage of labour (and coincidentally, the very same positions that got us into this situation in the first place).

#8 – Describing birthing pain as…indescribable. (Oh goody, put me down for two, then).

#7 – The birthing room is, “no place for jokes”. (Come on, you’re killin’ me, here!). (more…)
April 1

GIVING BIRTH TIPS

AUTHOR: 40YrOldDad // CATEGORY: 3rd Trimester, Tips
2 Comments

1
APR

In a spooky coincidence, back in 2005, I was part of a sketch comedy show on Channel 31 called Public Holiday.

With some incredibly valuable tips on…

Giving Birth: A man’s guide on what NOT to do.

Featuring me, as “Dr Phil Maballzac”.

(Thanks to my friend Mat Jones at I.M.P. Enterprises for permission to use this footage)

Honestly honey, how bad could it be? Hopefully nowhere near as bad as this.

Please enjoy and feel free to comment 🙂 (more…)
March 31

SHOWTIME!

AUTHOR: 40YrOldDad // CATEGORY: 3rd Trimester
1 Comment

31
MAR

Week 28 which officially marks our transition into the 3rd and final trimester.

(Yay! Scary, scary, scary…YAY!!)

And what better way to celebrate, than a journey to the place where parents fear to tread. Where information and innovation overwhelms the senses and empties out the wallets. Where fear, trepidation and 8-foot Bananas roam free. The point of no return…

The Melbourne Baby & Toddler Show

Holy cow! If I thought my earlier visit to the Baby Train superstore was information overload, get the Ajax and the Spray’n’Wipe ready ’cause daddy just exploded!

The latest gadgets, gizmos, safety and advice on how to have kids, what to do with them, how to keep them safe and how to keep them entertained once they’re out. Information on Cord Blood harvesting (did that lady seem a little pale to you and keep avoiding the sunlight?) and even a multi-level Pram obstacle course to test your skills as a potential would-be perambulator-er. (more…)