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June 20

HOW TO MAKE THAT MOZZIE BEGONE!

AUTHOR: 40YrOldDad // CATEGORY: Sponsored Posts
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20
JUN

What could possibly be worse than the sound of a mozzie buzzing your ear in bed in the darkness? — NOTHING…nothing could be worse than that. (With the possible exception of TWO MOZZIES or…Brynne Edelsten and Jeanne Little auditioning for The Voice).

No bug is as smack-worthy nor brings a cringe to your spine quicker than a run in with this ravenous vampiric blood-sucking insect, but enough of Tony Abbott, I’m talking about the dreaded…mozzie.

I remember a time in Bali we were eating at a restaurant and our legs were aggressively set upon under the table by mozzies. Like Bruce Lee fending off an onslaught of Ninjas, our hands were a blur as we slapped our arms and legs more often than a German at Oktoberfest. I ran a kilometre or so to find a store that stocked a can of mozzie spray, then sweatily ran back so we could finish our dinner without leaping and banging our knees under the table every ten seconds.

And now that we have our own mini-adventurer, there’s a whole host of concerns to worry about when it comes to mozzie protection. First of all, we don’t want to spray or rub in chemicals that could be doing who-knows-what to his precious skin. Using it on ourselves is just as worrying. We need to be mindful that we have it on our hands, especially since we use them to dig foreign objects out of his mouth or wipe his snotty nose. And lit mozzie coils on the ground could be a red beacon in the darkness to little fingers and an inquiring mind.

That’s when a little godsend flew into my Inbox, (that’s what Mumma said when I got her pregnant again). 😉 Introducing Europe’s number one mosquito protection device… (more…)
June 10

QUEENSLAND FERTILITY GROUP

AUTHOR: 40YrOldDad // CATEGORY: Sponsored Posts
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10
JUN

FILL IN THE BLANKS

Sponsored By Nuffnang

If you were alive in the late 70’s, you’d surely remember one of Australia’s greatest game shows, Blankety Blanks, hosted by the late great, Graham Kennedy. It was Channel 10’s ratings-baby and had us glued to the set in stitches, weeknights at 7pm, to witness the madcap, innuendo-ridden hilarity that always ended with a cheeky ‘Dick’ joke between Gra-Gra and Ugly Dave Gray.

And for 1 in 20 men in Australia with fertility issues, shooting ‘Blankety Blanks’ is a major concern that can stand in the way of feeling like a real man and making your very own baby. And much like the amount of cigars Ugly Dave Gray consumed during the taping of the show, that’s a pretty high number.

A common misconception with couples having difficulties getting pregnant, is that the issue is generally “women’s business”. Age is the most predominant issue and asking a woman hers, may result in a swift kick to the testes causing further fertility issues and the cycle continues. However, the next most common cause of fertility issues after a woman’s age, are male factor issues (about 40% of the time). Probably related to asking a woman’s age. (more…)
May 30

5 POOS NOBODY TELLS YOU ABOUT

AUTHOR: 40YrOldDad // CATEGORY: 1-2 years, D-scoveries, Daipers, Friday Five Funny, The Baby Years, Tips
14 Comments

30
MAY

As a new parent, friends and family are always quick to inundate you with horrendous poo stories from other parents. We’ve all been warned to expect the ‘Krakatoa’ poo explosion, but there’s a few other poo types I’ve D-scovered along the way that nobody ever warned me about.

So, here’s a list of 5 poos that nobody ever told you about…

1. The ‘Comprehensive’ Poo
Similar to the Krakatoa Poo, except that it’s completely contained within the nappy and comprehensive, because it covers quite a large area and (thankfully), just laps at the edges. Phew…you just dodged a bullet.

2. The ‘I Just Changed Your Nappy A Minute Ago’ Poo
This is when you ‘um’ and ‘ah’ over whether or not to change the nappy because it’s been a while since the last change, but they haven’t had a poo that day. Sure enough, within a minute or two of deciding to change it, there’s a steamy deposit mocking you as you throw your fist at the sky and plead, “Why didn’t you do that a minute ago?!”

3. The ‘So You Think You’re Getting Out The Door On Time’ Poo
The car is packed, the nappy bag sorted, you’ve chased and wrestled for 15 mins to get their shoes on and dressed to go. A look at the clock and you’re bang on time…YES! You strap them into their car seat and that’s when it hits you…NO! That steamy waft and that cherub grin. Like they’ve planned it the whole time. But no need to call ahead, you’ve got a toddler now, nobody expects you to be on time for anything anymore EVER now, anyway. (more…)
May 18

PROBLEM SOLVER

AUTHOR: 40YrOldDad // CATEGORY: 1-2 years, D-scoveries, The Baby Years
1 Comment

18
MAY

It used to be, that if our boy wanted something that we didn’t either feel like doing or didn’t want him to have, it was pretty easy to sway him off the idea through misdirection…look, a unicorn!

But now that he’s approaching the 23 month old mark, a certain aspect of his behaviour is coming to the fore…

He’s a Problem Solver!

A don’t tell me it can’t be done, show me how it CAN be done, kinda guy. He doesn’t focus on the problem, he looks for a solution and man, he has some serious powers of persuasion.

This behaviour first manifested a week ago when Indy wanted to play with Melmo (Daddy’s puppet creation and fuzzy arch nemesis. See my post Melmo! for details), but instead of simply accepting the standard misdirection, “No, no. Melmo’s asleep now. Oh look, an oxy-torch and a box of matches!” He now purposefully takes your hand, looks into your eyes and nods assuredly and supportively with some gentle but firm ‘yeps’, to sweeten the deal. Like you’ve just been mind-f#*d by a mini Derren Brown. (more…)
May 9

RESULTS ARE IN…

AUTHOR: 40YrOldDad // CATEGORY: 1st Trimester, Events, In the Womb, Thoughts, Ultrasound
16 Comments

9
MAY

Indy had just gone down for a nap and I was in the loo when I heard it. Not that, THAT…the shrill of Mumma’s ringtone. By the time I made it to the living room, my heart was already in my mouth, which is probably why I couldn’t breathe. Unless it had something to do with a certain There’s Something About Mary ‘frank’n’beans’ moment I had unwittingly recreated in my haste to zip up and hear the news.

Through wincing eyes and bated breath, I was playing catchup. Having already missed part of the conversation, I had to extrapolate what I thought was being relayed down the phone by piecing together Mumma’s subtle facial expressions, body mannerisms and pupil dilations as she listened intently. Like trying to figure out what’s happening on LOST, when you’ve already missed the first two seasons, there’s just no way.

Even if she did say something, there’s no way I could have heard it over the pounding of the pulse between my ears, like the guy swinging his hammer at the Rank Arena gong. And suddenly, all at once, there was a resounding SILENCE as she hung up the phone. The results are in… (more…)
May 8

THE SEQUEL: HIGHS AND LOWS

AUTHOR: 40YrOldDad // CATEGORY: 0-6 months, D-scoveries, Events, In the Womb, The Baby Years, Thoughts, Ultrasound
14 Comments

8
MAY

Our journey into parenthood began a couple years ago with Four Little Words, “You’re f*#ng kidding me!” Now that we’re writing the sequel, there were actually zero words. Just shock. Open-mouthed, jaw dropping shock…for about a day and a half!

The day before my birthday Mumma approached me on the couch and said, “Hold your hands out…”. Slightly confused and a little disappointed that whatever was behind her back was neither the size nor shape of golf clubs, when she placed the stick with two lines in my hand…my mind got carted for a six!

Next thing I remember, it was Wednesday.

Wow, for those who don’t know our story, we tried for 10 years to get pregnant. Endured 9 failed attempts of IVF, quite a few miscarriages and even a visit to a witch doctor but still no dice. We both turned 40 and decided it wasn’t to be, so we decided to have holidays instead of kids. We packed up and moved to Bali for 5 months and fell pregnant naturally with our miracle boy, Indy Wayan, within the first month of living there. Now, he’s just turned 22 months old and is the joy of our lives.

Never ever in our wildest dreams did we ever expect to ever get pregnant again. EVER! It’s one of those things we always said, “if it happens, it happens”, and we always thought it would be lovely to have another kid, but we never truly actually believed it would (or even could), ever actually really happen. So yes, I was gobsmacked and totally paralysed internally.

Can we really do this? Is it real? Indy was such a great baby, what if this one’s the devil or worse, barracks for Collingwood? What if it’s a girl? I know nothing about girls, I’m 43 years old now and still don’t understand women fully. What if it’s another boy? I love Indy so much, can I actually even love another baby? I’m considering going back to uni in July. Can we even afford another baby? How will Mumma cope? How will I cope? How will Indy cope? (more…)
May 6

QUEENSLAND FERTILITY GROUP: TO BOLDLY GO…!

AUTHOR: 40YrOldDad // CATEGORY: Sponsored Posts
4 Comments

6
MAY

Sponsored By Nuffnang

If there’s one thing I learned from watching Star Trek, it’s that man’s destiny is in the stars. To seek out new life, new civilisations, to boldly go where no man has gone before. But in order to eventually get ourselves ‘off-world’, we actually have to survive long enough in order for it to happen.

So we need to make more people, and keep making them!

As a first time Dad at the ripe old ‘middle-age’ of 40, I understand the pressures of trying to create a family while the old biological stop-watch ticks to a close, like the end scene of Sixty-Minutes. And as a couple who endured 9 failed attempts at IVF (and three failed attempts at world domination), we get how stressful and disappointing in can be to not be able to invade Norway (or create your own family).

Despite our fertility issues, thankfully (o-miracle-of-miracles), we were indeed fortunate enough to have been able to create a family of our own, having been truly blessed with a beautiful son, that I truly understand the gift that having a child is, to your life. And also feel I’m doing my part for the future of space exploration by propagating our species.

And although we were able to then conceive our child by natural means, I still feel that going through those 9 failed IVF attempts and miscarriages, somehow reprogrammed Mumma’s body to remember what it’s supposed to do when someone moves into the apartment, instead of organising an ‘everything must go’ sale each time she was impregnated.

Having faced and overcome our own fertility issues, there is no real way to relay the immensity of joy and love that having a child impacts on your life, other than experiencing it first-hand. And the fact that there are people and companies out there entirely devoted to making that joyous experience available for other couples is probably one of the greatest services you can do for another person.

One such company is Queensland Fertility Group who have fertility clinics from the Gold Coast to Cairns. In an age where fertility issues are on the rise (no pun intended), 1 in 6 Australian couples experience fertility issues. Which means, if nothing gets done to improve the situation, we’ll only be headed as far as the local 7-11 instead of beyond the stars in the future. (more…)
April 15

VOICES 2014 TOP 30 FINALIST

AUTHOR: 40YrOldDad // CATEGORY: 1-2 years, D-scoveries, Events, The Baby Years
2 Comments

15
APR

Kidspot.com.au are running their annual Voices blogging program, searching for the bestest and most awesomest voices out there in the blog-o-sphere.

From over 1000 nominations this year 600 blogs were nominated.

From those 600, a Top 100 was selected encompassing 3 categories;

Food & Wellbeing – (30 finalists)

Beauty & Lifestyle – (40 finalists)

Personal & Parenting – (30 finalists)

And unbelievably, we’ve been selected as finalists in the Top 30 Personal & Parenting category!!

I’m both humbled and excited by our inclusion in the Top 30.

So, I’m actually ‘humbited’ or ‘excumbled’ (I can never tell those two apart, especially when they wear the same sweater vests).

Amazingly, out of the entire Top 100 there are only 4 blokes. And 3 of us…are Daddy Bloggers! (more…)
April 14

ANTS IN OUR PANTS

AUTHOR: 40YrOldDad // CATEGORY: 1-2 years, Dad Mishaps, The Baby Years
2 Comments

14
APR

Two days of constant rain. Bailed up, inside Oma and Opa’s place. The backyard is right there, but may as well be a hundred miles away. Two foreheads pressed against the glass, yearning for freedom. One at head height, the other round about knee. That’s when it happened…

The stupidest idea I’d ever had as a father.

We both saw it. A break in the weather. A crack in the clouds where golden rays of light spilled down taunting us like a beckoning finger.

Let’s do it.

Before you can even say “let’s do it”, he was already rapping on the window, shoes in hand, pleading with Mumma to let him out into the sun. “Okay,” she said, “but you should probably take Indy with you.” — Fine (sulk, sulk)…

Off we go. Two intrepid explorers venturing off into the wilderness. Indiana Jones would be proud. Father and son, off to conquer the elements and take on the surrounds like Bear Grylls in Man vs Wild.

Through the back gate and out into the back paddock. Trudging through knee-high grass, I turned to see Indy’s head bobbing just above the grass-line, grinning from ear to ear. The ground teeming with life. Bugs and insects foraging, building, reinforcing after the rains. Me and my boy, collecting rocks and jumping over puddles. A true Huck Finn moment.

(more…)
April 13

INTER-DIMENSIONAL WEE-WEE

AUTHOR: 40YrOldDad // CATEGORY: 1-2 years, D-scoveries, Events, The Baby Years, Uncategorized
2 Comments

13
APR

Step aside Twilight Zone, two-steps to the left Amazing Stories and kneel down and bow your head LOST, because our little man just officially blew my mind during breakfast that sent a shock wave of “What the…” rippling down our spines.

Checking my emails at the table while Indy munched through his honey-toast dip-dip in his high chair beside me, my spider-sense tingled at the sound of water streaming into the pool under his chair. Fully expecting to look up and see him pouring his water bottle over the side, I was shocked to see it was still in its place, untouched on the table and he was contending with a chewy piece of crust.

But underneath his chair, lurking like an aquatic troll, was a golden pool of liquid that immediately sunk my spirits and made me groan internally. Oh no, he’s peed himself in his high chair.

Mumma saw the shock wave ripple in her cup of tea from my sunken shoulders and leapt to lend a hand, but upon inspecting our presumably soaking cherub, he was actually…bone dry! His fiddly bits tucked away inside his nappy and not a drop of wee down his leg hole, his waistband or anywhere in between. But I heard it spill down into the pool and the evidence is clearly…evident. (more…)