Wow, here we are at our 100th post and I felt it only deserving that we look back on just how we got here in the first place. For those of you reading this, it was probably through your internet browser, email or mobile device… but that’s not what I’m getting at. Every fairy tale romance has a great origin story, and this is ours…
It started…with a ‘fart’.
Okay, let’s back up a little. I answered an advert for a short film that was being shot the following weekend that for some reason, I had an unexplained overwhelming urge to be involved in. I called the director and the non-speaking role of the boyfriend had not yet been cast. We agreed to meet at her place to audition.
We met the next day and I got the part, I was also informed that the woman playing my girlfriend was also supposed to meet us, but was running late. I couldn’t stay, I literally had a train to catch and as I got to the end of the driveway, she suddenly arrived. Our initial meeting was as brief as Borat’s mankini, with her thinking, “Yeah, he’s cute but much too young for me”, (completely unaware that I was almost a year older than her, thanks to good genes and a regular Oil of Ulan regime), and my thoughts on her…
“Cool, at least she’s not ugly.”
The weekend saw myself booking into a Ranger’s Station at Wilson’s Prom amid a ragtag student film crew, when I suddenly spied a familiar face leaning against the back wall. I sidled up to her and nonchalantly cracked, “Hi, I think I’m your boyfriend?” A come-on line served with so much cheese, you could eat it off a biscuit. I took the rolling of her eyes as a term of endearment, lest my pride be hurt.
Prepping film gear and settling into our cabins, she generously made me a cup of tea and offered an insight into her own cheeky behaviour by stating, ‘You know what my dad used to do to me?” And seared the inside of my forearm, like a cowboy branding cattle, with the back of the scolding hot teaspoon from her cup! So shocked and surprised was I by her sudden and unexpected assault, that I unexpectedly retaliated by sheer reflex, in such a way that was just as equally as surprising and unexpected…
I farted…‘BLRRRP!’
And our reaction to that event was equally matched…we laughed our bloody heads off! So much so, that members of the crew had to ask what was so funny. Hardly able to breathe, I said, “She scolded me with a hot teaspoon and it made me fart.” To which their stunned reply was, “Really? How does that work? Is there something in the spoon?” Bloody film students. “No, it frightened me and I just…let off!” That was my first inkling that this, was the girl for me.
We strolled along the walkways getting to know each other better so our ‘characters’ would be more comfortable on screen, and took our ‘on-screen kids’ with us. I spent most of my time pretending the be characters from The Wizard of Oz and entertaining our ‘kids’. Years later I would learn that this was her first inkling that, ‘this guy would make a really great dad’, and that I might be the guy for her.
During the shoot, my single scene near the end of the film sees me walk up to her on the beach, kiss her hello then cuddle beside her as we look out over the ocean. Sounds simple enough in theory. The first take, I walked up, gave her a quick peck on the lips and…
Time stood still…
For me, that is. That simple peck felt like eternity and a sudden wave of emotion washed over me. What the hell was that? I’m a professional, I’m not supposed to feel like this… So, I never kissed her again in any of the other takes. I was too shit scared. But, when it came to the cuddling on the sand parts, I did what I do best…flirt with danger. I brushed sand off her leg and whispered all kinds of flirtatious scenarios in my very best deep sexy voice, just to see her laugh and squirm between takes.
Our attraction was solidifying, and after getting to know each other better after dinner, we strolled along the beach that night. It was as if the universe conspired to get us together and fall in love. The giant full moon and glistening stars reflecting off the ocean was something right out of a masterpiece painting and honestly, two rocks would have fallen in love under those conditions. And hence, she’s been rocking my world ever since.
Ten years later, our ‘love of the century’ has been blessed with a little miracle baby boy and my still beautiful wife realises her first inklings were right on the money, I am a really great dad to our little boy. So, there’s no real surprise about how I hope this story ends…
“And they all lived, happily, ever after…”
So far…so good… 😉
How did you and your partner first meet?
Loved this mate! Funny and also heartfelt. I love the magic of …ah…love
There’s been plenty of magic over the years since, that’s for sure. Fortunately, none of it has involved sawing a woman in two…unless of course you count Indy’s caesarian birth? And I never even got to say, “Abra-cadabra”.