It was a day I hoped would never come.
I’ve prided myself on being the cool calm collected one.
A dad so cool, the sun needs a sweater when it shines on me!
The dad who flows like water, who bends in the wind, goes with the flow and smells like teenspirit. (Wait…is that a cologne? I have no idea).
The kind of dad who exists only in family sitcoms. Loves his family, does crazy and outlandish things, quick with the funny remarks, dishes out sage worldly advice and never…ever…EVER…raises his voice in anger.
The kind of dad where Zen is my friend and karma is my confidanteฤ…
So, what went wrong?
To put it simply…
Daddy growled at me ๐
And boy, do I feel like the World’s Biggest Heel.
What would Chuck Norris do? Or better yet, what would Bill Cosby, Mike Brady or Alex P Keaton’s Dad, do?
Here’s the scene:
Baby’s so tired, he can hardly keep his little red eyes open, BUT…won’t have a bar of sleeping. Daddy Cool tries for 40 minutes to settle him off to sleep, all in vain. Baby then has poopy nappy. DC needs to change it and D-scovers a HUGE deposit in his Access account. Baby is still not happy and squirms all over the change table like a ninja playing laser-tag and as Daddy struggles with a handful of poop up to his elbow in one hand, baby decides to…crocodile death roll in his own poop and almost Nadia Comeneci it over the edge of the change table. At which point, Daddy Cool snapped…
STOP IT!
Indy froze and stared at me like a deer in headlights. His face, red with anguish and upset, eyes on the brink of dam-busting through glistening tears. He didn’t move a muscle and I could finish cleaning him up without a fuss.
And, I felt…ashamed and terrible.
Memories of me running into the middle of an argument between my parents and yelling out, “STOP IT!”, came suddenly flowing in.
And I can only imagine how he must have felt. The one man he relies on for laughs and tickles, for story book voices, for songs in the bath and whispers in his ears, suddenly went BOOM!
I cuddled him tight and apologised profusely. He seemed to accept it, but I feel like I dug a hole in my heart. I know he forgives me, but can I forgive myself?
Hopefully…
You know… Flash forward 8 years or so and you will be feeling relived when everything you read about raising resilient kids mentions how healthy it is for your kids to feel like they hate their parents once in while!!!
Sent from my iPhone
Yes, I get how a smattering of “don’t poke the bear”, can keep them on their toes and earn a level of healthy respect, as opposed to the parent they can walk all over and have no respect for. It just feels like crap at the time. But I think I’d prefer the healthy respect over the alternative.
My husband has told me often when he rouses at the girls that he feels horrible but at the end of the day we have 3 beautiful well mannered obedient children who still tell him & me that they love us so we must be doing something right. When he is a bit older you will find it gets easier especially if 2 minutes after you have had a go @ him he gives you a whopper of a cuddle & tells you he loves you. It get ps better ๐
Well, that certainly makes me feel better and I’m definitely up for whopper cuddles. ๐
YOU MEANY lol
Mate I can’t help it at times either. I think it’s healthy for us to let out a bit of steam now and then too, just gotta be careful where/when/how we direct it.
I yelled in a rage once at my 2.yo son and my 8mth old got freaked and started crying. I definitely regretted that one ๐
All part of being “The Dad”, I guess.