'PARENTING' BEGINS AT 40

WELCOME TO THE 40YROLDDAD.


A FIRST TIME DAD'S ADVENTURES IN FATHERHOOD AT THE RIPE OLD "MIDDLE-AGE" OF 40.

About this Blog: Funny how four little words can suddenly turn you’re life upside down…“You’re f*#king kidding me?” Okay, that was probably my four words…“We’re having a baby!” - that’s hers. Considering we’ve had 9 failed attempts at IVF, a few miscarriages and a witch doctor’s mojo later and still “no dice”…not only had we resigned ourselves to the fact it was never gonna happen, but we’d already made future plans with “just the two of us…la-de-la-de-da-de-da, the two of us”. Now all that’s out the window at the grand “middle-age"…of 40! And it's nothing short of an absolute MIRACLE!

  • MY FART MADE MY BOY CRY

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 2-3 years, Body Functions, Dad Mishaps, Toddler Years

    6 Comments

    It seems rather ironic that I have written on numerous occasions about the horrid putrid fart or odours that have emanated from my son’s nappy. Well, today…that all came back to bite me on the bum (so to speak).

    We were awakened around 6:30am by a sweet cherub face who insisted on crawling into bed with us. Mumma sleeps near the door, giving her an uninterrupted pathway to the ensuite bathroom (which is an absolute necessity for a heavily pregnant woman), but it also means our boy needs crampons, rock climbing rope and possibly a Tibetan Sherpa to help him climb the mountain into our bed.

    Finding the task a little difficult to mount, he decided upon a much easier, but even worse option…to just climb in under the covers instead of going over the top. A decision that almost cost him his life! (more…)

  • THE NIGHT I CRIED AT MY DAUGHTER’S WEDDING

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 3rd Trimester, D-scoveries, In the Womb

    2 Comments

    Mumma and I snuggled on the couch in a rare opportune moment of synchronised ‘free-time’ from our busy schedules. Indy was safely snoozing in bed so we had a few hours to kill, and we took in a movie with Kevin Costner who had ‘3 Days to Kill’.

    Kevin Costner plays an ex-CIA agent who missed out on seeing his daughter grow up, and when he finally retired to spend more time with his family and get to know his daughter again, he’s forced back into one last case. Turns out he’s also dying of an inoperable brain tumour, and the CIA operative who coerced him back in, has an experimental drug that keeps him alive that he needs to keep topping up. The whole movie takes place over a 6 month period, which, if you remember the title of the film, makes perfect sense, right? — NOT!!

    Which is one of several things that made this movie just…gawd awful. The only good thing about it, was Kevin Costner. It was as if he knew he was in a really awful film and knew the dialogue was really terrible, and the direction appalling, so just refused to say anything ‘corny’ or ‘on-the-nose’ like every other character did, and just did his own thing. The reason I bring all this up is because even though it was probably one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen, something unbelievably unexpected happened, right in the middle of watching it.

    There’s a scene in which Kevin Costner reconnects with his estranged daughter and teaches her to dance in preparation for her prom. A father and his daughter slow two-stepping together and then it happened… (more…)

  • SPHERO 2.0 GIVEAWAY WINNER!!

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: Events, Gadgets, Giveaways, Sponsored Posts

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    Thank you to everyone who entered the 40YrOldDad Sphero 2.0 Dad’s Day Giveaway. A lucky winner has been selected at random and a brand spanking new Sphero 2.0 will be sent out directly to you, just in time for Father’s Day!

    There’s absolutely no pressure on the winner to name their new Sphero 2.0 after me, but, my head does somewhat resemble a similar sort of roundness. ;)

    Without further ado…

    Emma Murray our Sphero 2.0 Dad's Day Giveaway Winner

    Congratulations, Emma Murray!!

  • SPHERO 2.0 DAD’S DAY GIVEAWAY

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: D-scoveries, Gadgets, Giveaways, Sponsored Posts

    15 Comments

    Speaking primarily as a man and as a 43 year old ‘man-child’, there’s two things I’ve always enjoyed playing with, (but we’ll leave Mumma out of this for now). Two ‘other’ things I’ve always been fond of playing with, are balls and technology. And until now, these two things have always been utilised completely separate from each other, (discounting the DIY robot hand debacle of ’87; still wincing after that one). But thanks to some very clever folks at GoSphero.com, they’ve melded them together to make the coolest frickin’ thing ever!

    Sphero 2.0

    Check out this video as Indy and I put our Sphero to the test.

    So…What Is Sphero?

    Sphero is the app-controlled ball that does it all. (more…)

  • THOMAS BED BIRTHDAY

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 1-2 years, Events, The Baby Years

    2 Comments

    Happy Birthday Indy!!

    Today our son turns 2. Simply amazing how quickly the time flies by. Why only yesterday, he was still in a cot, but not today…

    It’s your Birthday! And what an excellent little helper you are.

    Enjoy your Thomas big bed, little man xxx (more…)

  • WELCOME TO NEUTERVILLE. POPULATION…ME!

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: Body Functions, D-scoveries, Events

    3 Comments

    When it comes to severing ties with those you hold nearest and dearest to your sack heart, you gotta weigh up your options. I had considered the Something About Mary home vasectomy kit, but when it comes to frank’n’beans, I opt for something a little less tearful to the eye and prefer to not end in the phrase, “We got a bleeder!”

    And being the open-minded fella that I am, I went with an Open-ended vasectomy.

    Which sounds like wrestling two garden hoses as they spray haphazardly out your trousers. Open-ended actually means the tubes are cut off and only one end is tied off. Your body still continues to produce sperm but it’s absorbed back into your body within 15 seconds. Kind of like when you dribble soup down your chin and quickly suck it back in before it drips on your cargo pants. Minus the slurping sound. It’s quick and scalpel-free. Best of all, I have a fully legitimate reason for literally being, SELF-ABSORBED.

    And my practitioner of choice…

    Dr Snip logo

    True dat! Dr Nicholas Demediuk (aka Dr Snip®), has performed over 20,000 vasectomies (and I thought I met a lot of ‘dicks’ in my profession). So he can pretty much do this with his eyes closed (but thankfully, doesn’t).

    It all begins at home the night before when I have to shave my own ‘region’. A little whipper-snip and back burning to bring the manscape back to bare. There’s a reason you don’t take selfies when you’re shaving for a vasectomy. None of the angles do you any favours. Oh, the indignity. I don’t think I breathed during the whole ordeal.

    Come game-day and a plaque on the wall reads, ‘Carpe Scrotum’ which if you know your Latin, is somewhat less than comforting (Seize the Scrotum). Man, I hope that’s a serving suggestion and not a direct order. Sounds like the Spartans war cry from ‘300’. However, Dr Nick assures me it’s less painful than going to the dentist, but then again, I never had a dentist pull teeth out through my scrotum. (more…)

  • THE SEX NAZI: NO SEX FOR YOU!

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 2nd Trimester, Events, In the Womb, Ultrasound

    17 Comments

    We had our 20 week scan and got to see our beautiful girl doing tumble turns in the oven. It’s a marvel of technology to be able to see everything going on inside. That’s the humerus…“Gee, I thought it’d be funnier?” I said. The stenographer smiled politely. Mumma topped me without missing a beat…“we thought you would be, too.” Then high-fived each other with their eyes. It was a good call, but stung like a prick to the testes.

    Our gal is growing marvellously and we couldn’t be happier. The placenta is a little low, and seeing as we have no experience in cheering one up, we have to get another scan at 32 weeks to ensure it’s not obstructing the birth canal. That will determine whether or not she takes the natural route or gets ejected through the skylight.

    We followed that up today with a visit to the Midwife clinic, where we had a couple followers of our own. A friend from our Mothers group and a friend of Mumma’s sister, both midwifery students, accompanying and observing our appointments. It’s a little unusual to hear the Doctor call out your wife’s name…and four people get up and walk in! Like Bill Paxton and his ‘Big Love’ Mormon Wives. Our own private entourage. (more…)

  • WRITING PROCESS: A BLOG HOP

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: Events

    I’m scared and excited this week to participate in my very first Blog Hop. Excited because I was invited by Sophie at The Mother Load. Sophie’s twice award-nominated blog is beautifully presented and she’s a wonderful writer, incredibly open and generous about her thoughts on life and is reflective, intelligent and honest in her writing. You should definitely check out Sophie’s post here.

    Scared because the subject of this blog hop is a look into the writing process and how we go about it. I also get to nominate four other people to take part and discover wonderful insights into how they attack the blank screen when writing their posts.

    But, are you sure you want to go down this rabbit hole? Even I’m afraid to travel deep down into my own mind without some kind of life insurance cover to see how it all works. It’s no Willy Wonka factory, let me tell you. More like if Willy Wonka was on crack and Albert Einstein on LSD and their lucid dreamings crossed streams and melded into a menagerie cloud baby that joined forces with a robot from the 12th dimension in a nice tailored suit, and was refused entry to the Mad Hatter’s Tea Party because he wanted to bring along his own boom-box with a mixed tape of his favourite 80’s songs. Then my mind…would live next to THAT guy. (more…)

  • GITTIN’ SNIPPY WIDDIT

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 1-2 years, Events, The Baby Years

    2 Comments

    Happy Days, Seinfeld, Breaking Bad…all good things must come to an end. And so it goes for my nut bag. The very thought of it makes me cringe and although we feel incredibly lucky to have been blessed with our miracle man and a bunette currently in the oven, I’m acutely aware the sands of time continue to spill through the hourglass. Although I’m young at heart, the body says otherwise.

    Struggling to read bedtime stories under dimly lit conditions, I was told by my optometrist that I’m entering the ‘Presbyopia’ stage of life. A type of short-sightedness that affects us all over the age of 40 and currently, the majority of the Australian voting public (have you ‘seen’ our PM?). As much as I adore being a 40YrOldDad (*ahem), I have no intention of one day becoming a 50YrOldDad…with a toddler!

    Hence, as Joe Hockey pointed out during the budget…cuts must be made. And so, with a gulp in my throat and a tear in my eye, it’s time to ‘git snippy widdit’ and book in for a vasectomy. (more…)

  • HOW TO MAKE THAT MOZZIE BEGONE!

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: Sponsored Posts

    No Comments

    What could possibly be worse than the sound of a mozzie buzzing your ear in bed in the darkness? — NOTHING…nothing could be worse than that. (With the possible exception of TWO MOZZIES or…Brynne Edelsten and Jeanne Little auditioning for The Voice).

    No bug is as smack-worthy nor brings a cringe to your spine quicker than a run in with this ravenous vampiric blood-sucking insect, but enough of Tony Abbott, I’m talking about the dreaded…mozzie.

    I remember a time in Bali we were eating at a restaurant and our legs were aggressively set upon under the table by mozzies. Like Bruce Lee fending off an onslaught of Ninjas, our hands were a blur as we slapped our arms and legs more often than a German at Oktoberfest. I ran a kilometre or so to find a store that stocked a can of mozzie spray, then sweatily ran back so we could finish our dinner without leaping and banging our knees under the table every ten seconds.

    And now that we have our own mini-adventurer, there’s a whole host of concerns to worry about when it comes to mozzie protection. First of all, we don’t want to spray or rub in chemicals that could be doing who-knows-what to his precious skin. Using it on ourselves is just as worrying. We need to be mindful that we have it on our hands, especially since we use them to dig foreign objects out of his mouth or wipe his snotty nose. And lit mozzie coils on the ground could be a red beacon in the darkness to little fingers and an inquiring mind.

    That’s when a little godsend flew into my Inbox, (that’s what Mumma said when I got her pregnant again). ;) Introducing Europe’s number one mosquito protection device… (more…)

Justin P Bechtold is a comedian, designer, screenwriter and HomeDad. Written and performed all over the world (man, someone's gotta clean that up). This blog explores my comic misadventures of being a first time dad from the ripe old 'middle-age" of 40.

  • COMEDIAN

    WHAT I DO

    Standup Comedy, Sketch Comedy, Comedy Writing. If it’s funny, then I’ll do it. It’s in my blood. Seriously…last week I cut my finger and three clowns fell out!

  • DESIGNER

    WHAT I CREATE

    PEOPLE (well, one person at least. Not sure how many more I have left in me?). Also create Logos, business cards, posters. (Not at the same time, mind you. I have to feed my son at some point).

  • SCREENWRITER

    WHAT I WRITE

    Did I mention Comedy? I also write Blogs, Action-Adventure tent pole features and TV Shows. And one time, at Band Camp, I wrote my name in the snow!

  • HOMEDAD

    WHAT I LEARN

    Something new every day, fo’shizzle. An amazing son who astounds me every day with his antics and an even more amazing wife who’s astounded my mine. Trust me, you don’t want to know. (Really, quit poking me). Alright then, you asked for it…Scroll Away!

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