About this Blog: Funny how four little words can suddenly turn you’re life upside down…“You’re f*#king kidding me?” Okay, that was probably my four words…“We’re having a baby!” - that’s hers. Considering we’ve had 9 failed attempts at IVF, a few miscarriages and a witch doctor’s mojo later and still “no dice”…not only had we resigned ourselves to the fact it was never gonna happen, but we’d already made future plans with “just the two of us…la-de-la-de-da-de-da, the two of us”. Now all that’s out the window at the grand “middle-age"…of 40! And it's nothing short of an absolute MIRACLE!


    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 3-5 years, 3-5 years, Toddler Years


    Seeing our kids grow into little beings, I think back to the days when we couldn’t wait for them to start talking and now that those days have arrived, I wish to god for some SILENCE.

    The days of sleeping in are as extinct as the dinosaurs. Even when we take it in turns to crawl out and sprawl one-eyed on the couch, drawing the little critters toward us and away from the bedroom like a human mozzie-zapper, so the other one can get 10 seconds of extra sleep. The screaming, yelling, laughing and crying penetrates the walls and drills into your semi-conscious brain like an incessant woodpecker. And then there’s the noise from the kids.

    But now that they’ve found their voices, the questions are coming thick and fast. Not since the advent of TV game show Sale of the Century, has anyone been drilled incessantly with questions by a pint-sized ‘Tony Barber’ (or is that, actual size?). I always knew this day was coming and I felt I was more than ready for it, but I completely underestimated the stamina of a 3 year old’s ability to ask the same question over and over before I went insane.

    The FBI and KGB have nothing on a 3 year old and the Chinese water torture is but a drop in the tsunami of banal questioning that’s washed over us on a daily basis.

    I’m a product of the X-generation but this kid is definitely… (more…)


    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 0-6 months, 3-5 years, D-scoveries, The Baby Years, Thoughts, Tips, Toddler Years


    Being a Dad is pretty awesome and there’s always a lot of advice and tips that people are always willing to give a first time Daddy-to-be. But there’s quite a few things that nobody ever told me about being a Dad which would have been handy to know in the beginning to properly prepare and psych myself for.

    So I’ve compiled a short list of things I’ve discovered myself and am willing to share with any Daddy newbies out there.

    Here’s a quick list of 5 things nobody tells you about being a Dad:

    1. Baby fingernails are sharper than adamantium claws.

    The only thing worse than hearing fingernails on a blackboard is having your cheeks, eyelids, lips and nostrils shredded to pieces by tiny razor-like Kruegeresque knives forged in the belly of a dragon at the bottom of a volcano.

    2. Despite what you think, babies are not as vulnerable as they look.

    Even though babies come into this world vulnerable and defenceless, it only takes a few months before their inherent self-defence ninja skills come to the fore. They may look incredibly cute and adorable lying in your arms as you gently rock them to sleep, but they can incapacitate an elephant simply by totally pinching the sh*t out of the skin on your neck with the strength and accuracy of a Vulcan warrior. (more…)


    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 3-5 years, D-scoveries, Dad Mishaps, Events, Toddler Years

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    For a couple weeks now our boy has been exhibiting great strides in independence. Wanting to do many things on his own like climbing the playground equipment, taking himself to the potty or trading blue chip shares on Wall Street.

    But today at 3 years and 15 days, our little boy surprised us both when for the very first time in his life he sidled up to my side of the bed at 6:47am to announce…

    “Me dress myself!”

    A feat even some adults find difficult to accomplish, especially at 6:47am on a Monday. And when my bleary eyes failed me, my hands ran across him in the darkness like a brail Detective novel. Confirming that yes, he’d managed to Houdini his way out of the zip-up onesie, singlet and pull-up he went to bed in and was now wearing jocks, tracky-dacks, a t-shirt and a long-sleeve top. Mind you, the t-shirt was inside out and his right arm was twisted inside the sleeve of his top like an anaconda in a burlap sack, but the evidence was clear. He’d managed it all on his own.

    My immediate thrill then turned to despair as I realised my boy is growing up and every day, requires our assistance less and less. And in my moment of self-pity, a sudden thought struck me, ‘Did you have a poo in your pull-ups?’  (more…)


    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 0-6 months, Gadgets, The Baby Years

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    Back in December, I posted about My DIY Co-Sleeper, which I built for Mumma to get easy access to our gal after she was born so she didn’t have to get up, lean over and lift her in and out in the middle of the night.

    It continues to get quite a response and I’ve been contacted several times requesting a copy of my plans so they can build their own.

    One such request came from expectant father, Adam Harrison, whose first child is due any moment. Adam is a DIY hobbyist with a list of impressive projects including a large wooden linen cabinet, a rustic covered litter box and a tall space-saving shelving unit all in preparation for their new baby.

    And the crowning glory was of course, a beautiful baby co-sleeper based on my original designs, with a few tweaks for their own particular house and the materials he had on hand. The finished product looks magnificent and Adam was generous enough to send me some pics to share with you all. (more…)


    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: D-scoveries, Dad Mishaps, Events

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    Being a Dad is a pretty awesome and often tough job.

    It’s funny to look back on my memories of my Baby Boomer Dad and compare them to myself today and just how ‘uncool’ I feel in comparison. Like the sideburns and handle-bar moustache which required a permit to feed them. Flares so wide you could hide a Boeing jet behind them. Collars so long and pointed they were registered as lethal weapons. Not to mention the platform shoes so high, you had to run up three flights of stairs just to get into them. Yet, somehow…

    He was cool.

    Maybe because he reminded me of Steve Austin, the Bionic Man. My younger brother still has furrows in his brow from trying to replicate that stoic powerful cocking of the eyebrow that both my Dad and Steve had in common.

    Maybe it was because he played guitar and was good…damn good.

    Or maybe it was because he used to draw cowboys for me on the back of the Weeties box for me to cut out and play with.

    Or maybe its just because he was my dad, that he just seemed larger than life and cooler than cool.

    Maybe my kids will feel the same about me?

    Not realising that truth be told, I still feel like a bumbling teenager trying to fudge my way through it. (more…)


    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 2-3 years, Events, Toddler Years


    Last week we received a little goody-box from IGA. When I say little, it’s definitely big enough to fit a 2 year old child inside and ship him off to Europe if the screaming doesn’t stop, and it was chock full of lovely little items to help make this years Mothers Day, a special one.

    It’s the first Mothers Day Mumma has ever had with both our kids so it was going to be special anyhow, but getting Indy cracking in the kitchen was an excited bonus.

    Inside the box was a delicious assortment of ingredients and recipe, for mouth-watering…

    Apple Compote Pancakes

    Which did raise an eyebrow or two til I discovered I was mixing up compote with Capote, which was not quite as weird as I first thought if you consider Truman Capote did in fact write the novella, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, so at least we’re in the same broad area. (Who’d have thought I could be informative as well as educational?).

    Plus, there were other things inside to give our Mothers Day breakfast-in-bed concoction, a little more pizazz…A tiny jar of Pizazz! I’m kidding, I don’t even know what that would be. In reality, there was was a heart-shaped cookie cutter to get our pancakes into the right shape, a beautiful napkin and napkin ring, a floral arrangement in a tiny beer stubbie and a functional tray to carry it all in on.

    And the cutest item of all, was the tiniest apron I’ve ever seen. Just right for a two year old and certainly got our little lad into the Master Chef vibe as he hollered instructions and ordered me and my standards around in true Gordon Ramsay style.

    As you can see from the pics, he had a wonderful time and was very proud of the final presentation. (more…)


    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 2-3 years, Dad Mishaps, Daipers, Events, Toddler Years


    The day had finally arrived. The one I’d been looking forward to for the last two and a half years. The day I could finally breath a great sigh of relief that I would never again have to change another wet or smelly diaper. Let the ceremonial burning of the nappy begin.

    Freedom and liberation for all! The time had come…

    Indy went on the potty…HOORAY!

    He also went on the carpet, the tiles, in front of the fridge, under the table, on the couch, behind the couch, over the heat vent in someone else’s house, in his pants, on my pants, in his bed and on his bed. Though never in a sneaky I shouldn’t be doing this fashion, but always with bold confidence and a spring in his step. Mind you, that could just be the mandatory shaking of the last drops. Which only leads to one conclusion… (more…)


    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 2-3 years, D-scoveries, Gadgets, Toddler Years, Videos


    It’s no secret that our little bloke and I are both into Super Heroes. He’s also currently obsessed with ‘Dusty’ from the Disney movie, PLANES, and basically anything that flies.

    I guess it’s every boy’s dream to actually be able to fly and after several days of pestering persistent enquiries, I did what any Dad with a fondness for Super Heroes would do…

    I told Indy I would find a way to help make him fly.

    The result is this…



    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 2-3 years, Dad Mishaps, Events, Toddler Years

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    If there was ever a Christmas we were eagerly excited and scared about, it was this one. Reasons being, this is the first Christmas where Indy could actually grasp hold of the concepts of Santa, good boys and girls, and of course…presents. The scary part being, it’s also the same Christmas we’re teaching our boy about ‘giving’ as well as receiving and we discussed the idea of giving his dummy to Santa.

    A conversation that was well supported by Santa and the helpful elves at PNP Portable North Pole, which if you haven’t gotten onto it yet, it’s an amazing service that provides custom videos and phone calls from Santa himself, direct from the North Pole in preparation for the big night. You can upload photos and input information and Santa talks directly to you by name, and in our case, Santa told Indy that he hoped he could stop using his dummy and that he will bring him a new bike for Christmas.

    We played that video every day and each time, Indy would get excited and tell us he would give his dummy to Santa and that Santa would give him a bike. It was very cute and exciting to watch. But when push came to shove, would he actually be able to part with his ‘bwue duddy’ when the time came? It’s been his security for the term of his entire life! Almost like giving up a limb, I expect?

    Santa paid the family a visit on Christmas Eve and two things shocked us immediately. First of all, straight up without even uttering a single word from Santa, as soon as he approached, Indy looked quizzically at him then excitedly exclaimed… (more…)


    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 2-3 years, Events, Toddler Years, Videos

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    One of the greatest most fun things about Christmas, is driving around checking out other people’s Christmas light displays. And in our area alone, there’s some pretty awesome ones. The kind of displays that make you go, ‘man, I’d love to do something like that’, with the kind of electrical bills that make you go, ‘man, I sure am glad I didn’t do something like that.’

    Plus, it was the first time ever that we took our kids out to experience them and Indy was super excited. Seeing as it doesn’t actually get dark until nearly 9pm because of daylight savings, he still went to bed at his usual 7 o’clock but we woke him at 9pm and we all snuck out to the car like ninja spies on a secret mission…dressed in Thomas the Tank Engine urban camouflage.

    As we drove around, we’d mapped out a few places on the GPS and walking to our first place, I laughed at Indy rubbing his hands together with eager anticipation like he was about to do something really super exciting…or hatch an evil plan for world domination.

    And every place we went to just got better and better.

    My two personal favourites being; (more…)

Justin P Bechtold is a comedian, designer, screenwriter and HomeDad. Written and performed all over the world (man, someone's gotta clean that up). This blog explores my comic misadventures of being a first time dad from the ripe old 'middle-age" of 40.



    Standup Comedy, Sketch Comedy, Comedy Writing. If it’s funny, then I’ll do it. It’s in my blood. Seriously…last week I cut my finger and three clowns fell out!



    PEOPLE (well, two people at least. Not sure how many more I have left in me?). Also create Logos, business cards, posters. (Not at the same time, mind you. I have to feed my kids at some point).



    Did I mention Comedy? I also write Blogs, Action-Adventure tent pole features and TV Shows. And one time, at Band Camp, I wrote my name in the snow!



    Something new every day, fo’shizzle. Two amazing kids who astound me every day with their antics and an even more amazing wife who’s astounded by mine. Trust me, you don’t want to know. (Really, quit poking me). Alright then, you asked for it…Scroll Away!

Gimme More! -- Hungry for more JPB 'Intertainment' goodness? Why not snack on these lovely delights...(you know you want to).

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