PARENTING BEGINS AT 40

WELCOME TO THE 40YROLDDAD


A FIRST TIME DAD'S ADVENTURES IN FATHERHOOD AT THE RIPE OLD 'MIDDLE-AGE' OF 40, AND BEYOND.

Mumma and I tried having kids for over 10 years. 9 failed attempts at IVF, a few miscarriages and a trip to a Balinese Witch Doctor, but still no dice. Now suddenly at the age of 40, we're blessed with two naturally occurring chatterboxes which is nothing short of an absolute 'miracle'. This blog captures my comedic adventures in fatherhood at the ripe old 'middle-age' of 40 and beyond.

  • PARENTAL INTIMACY: A RISKY MONKEY-BUSINESS

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 3-5 years, Dad Mishaps, Toddler Years

    1 Comment

    Parental Intimacy: There’s Always A Chance

    If you’re a parent, then you know the very act of intimacy that got you into that predicament in the first place, is a far less common practice than your tiredness (and children) will allow. The spirit is willing but the body is weak, as the old saying goes.

    In some instances, it can be as rare as a Halley’s Comet sighting. A once or twice-a-lifetime thing, if you’re lucky. In others, it’s like a star-nosed mole that is spotted occasionally, but only at night. And when you have two early-risers who bound out of bed with a rocket-force of 5 million Newtons at the mere suggestion the sun could be coming up at any second, then the chance of a ‘morning-nookie’ is exactly the same as Karl Stefanovic quitting drinking.

    It’s slim, but as Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber will tell you, there’s always a chance. (more…)

  • DADHACKS FOR GETTING KIDS TO EAT HEALTHY MEALS

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: Sponsored Posts, Videos

    2 Comments

    Dadhacks For Healthy Eating

    Every parent knows, getting kids to eat healthy meals can be a bit like Jamie Lannister charging a dragon on horseback. Ram-raiding broccoli on the end of your lance is often met with a blistering inferno of refusal. It’s a fools errand and probably, one that will consequently leave at least one of you scorched horribly.

    The problem with healthy food, from a kid’s perspective, is that it tastes and looks horrible. In some cases, they’re probably right. I’m looking at you, green peas and brussell sprouts.

    Well, thank heavens for Whole Kids who’ve created an entire range of healthy options for kids. An Australian-owned, organic food company created by a real Mum and Dad who believe in unjunking our food and our lives. They choose the finest organic ingredients to make the yummiest and healthiest foods for your kids. Therefore, no artificial stuff, no funny numbers and definitely, no junk. Just real food made by real people. (more…)

  • GET DAD A RETRO MINI THIS FATHER’S DAY

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: Gadgets, Sponsored Posts

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    Put Some Retro Style Back Into Your Music

    As a child of the 80’s, music was a major part of my existence. That, and big hair (yes, at one stage in my life, I actually had it). I worked part-time as a mobile disco and nightclub DJ and beat-mixed my fantastic black plastic to the likes of ACDC, Dexy’s Midnight Runners, Billy Joel and New Kids On The Block. I’d strap on my tinny Walkman cassette headphones, crank up Hewey Lewis And The News and hitch my skateboard to the tailgate of a passing 4×4 truck. Wait a minute, wasn’t that Marty McFly? Sure he made it popular but I was the true originator, at least, in my street. (more…)

  • CRAFTING THE ULTIMATE FUN-FILLED MINECRAFT PARTY

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 3-5 years, 3-5 years, Events

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    A Minecraft Party Please

    Unsure whether I fell asleep in a Delorean or put my clock ahead too far during daylight savings. The tiny Marge Simpson-shaped baby I held in my arms and watched open his eyes for the very first time in his new-born life, suddenly aged 5 years before my very own eyes. How can this be? It’s a joke, right? I have to be dreaming. After all, petrol is under $1.15, Gogglebox has been renewed for another season AND…Donald Trump is President of Dementia.

    But sure enough, it’s ALL true. Our boy is five.

    Hard to believe that only yesterday our toes were dipped in the relaxing serenity of a Balinese swimming pool and today, we’re completely submerged in the calamity of Lightning McQueen, YouTube Kids and Minecraft. None of which I had ever heard of or had any inkling about until our boy educated us on such matters. Now, it’s all a part of our every day lives, like Donald Trump memes or taking a dump.

    So, it was no surprise when Indy told us he wanted to have a Minecraft Lego themed party for his 5th birthday. What was a surprise to us, is that he really actually meant it. So, it was off to the crafting-table blackboard to nut our heads together and plan a fun-filled occasion, for just such an occasion. Just one question first… (more…)

  • LEGOLAND OPENS IN MELBOURNE

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 3-5 years, Places

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    Legoland® Discovery Centre Melbourne

    The Southern Hemisphere’s first ultimate indoor Legoland playground opened its doors to the public and we got an exclusive inside peek at this amazing new family attraction at Chadstone – The Fashion Capital. Under the five hours of non-stop activity and scrutiny of our 4 and 2½ year old kids, we are happy to report that everything is in fact, AWESOME.

    Just how awesome is it?

    It was finished 6 weeks ahead of schedule – AWESOME. (But clearly had plenty of detailed graphic instruction booklets on how to assemble it all together to work from.)

    Over 2 million bricks used in the construction of a MINILAND Melbourne, featuring the MCG, Arts Centre and ‘the big chip’ among 25 iconic Melbourne landmarks – AWESOME. (Including a homeless man lying in the park, or maybe he just fell over?)

    Thirteen family friendly attractions AND a 4D cinema – AWESOME. (You may get sprayed. I sure hope it’s water.)
    (more…)

  • LIGHTNING STRIKES BACK AT TASMANIA SUPERSPRINT

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: Events, Sponsored Posts, Videos

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    Lightning McQueen is Back, Y’All

    The Disney/Pixar Cars Pit Stop and Lightning McQueen are back this year, at selected Supercars race days around Australia.

    In celebration of the upcoming release of Disney/Pixar’s Cars 3 on June 22, the Cars Pit Stop will be the ultimate racing destination for families of all ages at the Virgin Australia Supercars Championship events this year. Disney/Pixar Cars, Mack Trucks and Virgin Australia Supercars Championship have again joined forces to bring Australian families the ultimate Cars experience. With activities for all ages, fans willbe able to see the new-look Lightning McQueen before the film releases. Plus, Mack the Transporter will be on show, creating the perfect backdrop for a family selfie! (more…)

  • ELFIE CAUGHT ON TAPE FLYING BACK TO NORTH POLE

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 3-5 years, D-scoveries, Toddler Years, Videos

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    Having Elfie stay with us over the Christmas break sure was exciting. Never knowing where he’ll end up next was certainly a highlight for the kids. Our Elf on the Shelf visitor certainly got up to some hi-jinx, which in retrospect, may be a lot to sustain in the future. (more…)

  • VIDEO PROOF THAT OUR ELF ON THE SHELF IS ALIVE

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 3-5 years, D-scoveries, Toddler Years, Videos

    4 Comments

    This year we had a very special Elf on the Shelf visitor stay with us for the lead up to Christmas.

    Every year Santa sends out a special Scout Elf to monitor kids behaviour and report back to Santa each night. The kids get to name their elf and went with the very creative ELFIE (Elf The Elf). Elfie then returns each morning hiding in a different place for the kids to find. There are only two rules;

    Rule#1 – You cannot touch Elfie or his magic will not work.
    Rule#2 – Elfie isn’t allowed to talk to us.

    But you can talk to him, share your secrets and tell him what you want for Christmas.

    I’m a firm believer in keeping the wonder of magic alive for our kids for as long as is humanly possible. Which I passionately mentioned in an earlier post, and Elfie is no exception. (more…)

  • CREEPY THINGS KIDS SAY TO MAKE YOU CRAP YOUR DACKS

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 3-5 years, D-scoveries, Thoughts, Toddler Years

    7 Comments

    We’ve all seen them on the net. The creepy things toddlers say that makes you think they’ve lived another life as a serial killer or frightened the bajeezus out of you because ‘they see dead people.’

    We’ve had our own experiences that not only raised a curious eyebrow, but that eyebrow actually crept so far back over the top of my head, it actually disappeared down my ass crack for its own protection.

    There’s three instances in particular I’ll choose to focus on.

    Creepy Instance #1: The Phantom Footsteps

    For about two years now, Indy has mentioned a constant sound he hears, particularly at night. He says whenever he closes his eyes, he sees feet creeping and running around and that they make a kind of sshh-sshh-sshh sound as they walk. I mentioned one time that it was probably me coming in to check on his clock and put his snacks and water beside his bed for the morning, hoping that would make him feel better. Now he prefers I don’t do that so he doesn’t hear my footsteps. Only now, things have cranked up a notch… (more…)

  • HEY DUGGEE, GO JETTERS AND THE CBEEBIES TEAM

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 1-2 years, 3-5 years, Events

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    If you have kids under 5, then no doubt you’ll be familiar with biscuit crumbs wedged in the cracks of your car seat and couch. You’ll also most likely be familiar with CBeebies TV shows, Hey Duggee and Go Jetters. They’re two of our most favourite shows to watch, if you can actually see the screen beneath a myriad of greasy fingerprints and two heads clambering to get as close to the screen as possible, whenever they come on. So, the excitement of meeting Duggee and Ubercorn in real-life was as high as my hairline. (more…)

I'm a comedian, screenwriter and HomeDad to two gorgeous kids and a hubby to a most brilliant wife and Mumma.

  • COMEDIAN

    Comedy is in my blood. Seriously, last week I cut my finger and three clowns fell out.

  • SCREENWRITER

    I write feature film and television screenplays and one time, at band camp, I wrote my name in the snow.

  • HOMEDAD

    To two little scruffins who are the absolute apples of my eye, the bees to my knees and the pain in my…oh, hey kids, Daddy’s working.

Who said you could look at my stuff? Well, okay. Seeing as you came all the way down here, but please don't feed the elephant in the corner. I'm the one who has to clean it up afterwards and it can get pretty 'whiffy' down here, let me tell you.

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