'PARENTING' BEGINS AT 40

WELCOME TO THE 40YROLDDAD.


A FIRST TIME DAD'S ADVENTURES IN FATHERHOOD AT THE RIPE OLD "MIDDLE-AGE" OF 40.

About this Blog: Funny how four little words can suddenly turn you’re life upside down…“You’re f*#king kidding me?” Okay, that was probably my four words…“We’re having a baby!” - that’s hers. Considering we’ve had 9 failed attempts at IVF, a few miscarriages and a witch doctor’s mojo later and still “no dice”…not only had we resigned ourselves to the fact it was never gonna happen, but we’d already made future plans with “just the two of us…la-de-la-de-da-de-da, the two of us”. Now all that’s out the window at the grand “middle-age"…of 40! And it's nothing short of an absolute MIRACLE!

  • TRUTH VS MAGIC: RUDOLPH OR REVELATION?

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 2-3 years, Events, Thoughts, Toddler Years

    2 Comments

    I still remember the day my parents sat me down and told me the …[spoiler alert]…”truth”…about Santa.

    After they swept up all the glass, stemmed the bleeding from their ears and tilted the earth back on its correct axis, they came at me with both barrels…ie: the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny. A triple shot to the head, heart and groin.

    I guess I can understand the theory behind it. Better to hear the truth from us than to hear it from someone else in the playground. And killing three-birds with one stone was kind of like the ‘rip off the bandaid, quick’ approach.

    So, I did what anyone else in my position at the time would have done.

    I jerked the steering wheel hard and sent us all careening off the Westgate Bridge, plummeting us all to our deaths…or so it felt like at the time.

    I was 35. (Actually, I was like, 12 I think?).

    All things considered, I took it pretty well.

    I’m kidding of course…I WAS DEVASTATED!!! (more…)

  • ALICE IN WONDERLAND

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 0-6 months, Events, In the Womb, The Baby Years

    15 Comments

    Our trip to Wonderland began with another journey down the rabbit hole, and what did we find?

    A menagerie of mad hatters; red, blue and white. (I’m always surprised as to why a bald man such as myself, is still required to wear a hair net in an operating theatre). But them’s the rules, I guess?

    Cheshire Cat grins a mile wide, and a lovely little girl named…

    Alice Nevada Bechtold

    Born at 10:23am on…what day was it again? Oh, yes…

    Remembrance Day!

    3.95kg and 52cm in length for those running a pool at work or the TAB. So, 5 grams lighter than Indy but 2cm taller and looks so amazingly like Indy, they look like twins born 2 and a half years apart! (more…)

  • ONE SLEEP TO GO

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 3rd Trimester, In the Womb, The Baby Years

    6 Comments

    Only one sleep to go until…

    40YrOldDad Version 2.0

    Our final day of ‘treesome’.

    Wow, can it really be true? I feel like we’ve both been so busy; Mumma with work and me with going back to Uni, that the time has suddenly crept up behind us and before we knew it, we’re staring right down the barrel of baby #2 about to enter our lives. It seems crazy. Are we crazy? I think we are (or at the very least, a teensy bit delirious).

    And the fact that I’ve been a dad for 2 and a half years now should give me a quiet sense of confidence, but the truth is, washing little girls clothes in the washing machine freaked me out a bit. And when we were shopping in Target, we strolled past the girl section where Mumma kindly pointed out the little bras and knickers hanging on the racks, and indicated that’s something we’ll have to get used to one day.

    Holy crap!

    Never-ever-ever in my whole thought process of being a new dad to a little girl did the thought ever cross my mind that one day we’d have to go bra shopping!

    What-da-f#*k, Mumma? You’re weirding me out!

    (more…)

  • MY FART MADE MY BOY CRY

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 2-3 years, Body Functions, Dad Mishaps, Toddler Years

    6 Comments

    It seems rather ironic that I have written on numerous occasions about the horrid putrid fart or odours that have emanated from my son’s nappy. Well, today…that all came back to bite me on the bum (so to speak).

    We were awakened around 6:30am by a sweet cherub face who insisted on crawling into bed with us. Mumma sleeps near the door, giving her an uninterrupted pathway to the ensuite bathroom (which is an absolute necessity for a heavily pregnant woman), but it also means our boy needs crampons, rock climbing rope and possibly a Tibetan Sherpa to help him climb the mountain into our bed.

    Finding the task a little difficult to mount, he decided upon a much easier, but even worse option…to just climb in under the covers instead of going over the top. A decision that almost cost him his life! (more…)

  • THE NIGHT I CRIED AT MY DAUGHTER’S WEDDING

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 3rd Trimester, D-scoveries, In the Womb

    2 Comments

    Mumma and I snuggled on the couch in a rare opportune moment of synchronised ‘free-time’ from our busy schedules. Indy was safely snoozing in bed so we had a few hours to kill, and we took in a movie with Kevin Costner who had ‘3 Days to Kill’.

    Kevin Costner plays an ex-CIA agent who missed out on seeing his daughter grow up, and when he finally retired to spend more time with his family and get to know his daughter again, he’s forced back into one last case. Turns out he’s also dying of an inoperable brain tumour, and the CIA operative who coerced him back in, has an experimental drug that keeps him alive that he needs to keep topping up. The whole movie takes place over a 6 month period, which, if you remember the title of the film, makes perfect sense, right? — NOT!!

    Which is one of several things that made this movie just…gawd awful. The only good thing about it, was Kevin Costner. It was as if he knew he was in a really awful film and knew the dialogue was really terrible, and the direction appalling, so just refused to say anything ‘corny’ or ‘on-the-nose’ like every other character did, and just did his own thing. The reason I bring all this up is because even though it was probably one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen, something unbelievably unexpected happened, right in the middle of watching it.

    There’s a scene in which Kevin Costner reconnects with his estranged daughter and teaches her to dance in preparation for her prom. A father and his daughter slow two-stepping together and then it happened… (more…)

  • SPHERO 2.0 GIVEAWAY WINNER!!

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: Events, Gadgets, Giveaways, Sponsored Posts

    No Comments

    Thank you to everyone who entered the 40YrOldDad Sphero 2.0 Dad’s Day Giveaway. A lucky winner has been selected at random and a brand spanking new Sphero 2.0 will be sent out directly to you, just in time for Father’s Day!

    There’s absolutely no pressure on the winner to name their new Sphero 2.0 after me, but, my head does somewhat resemble a similar sort of roundness. ;)

    Without further ado…

    Emma Murray our Sphero 2.0 Dad's Day Giveaway Winner

    Congratulations, Emma Murray!!

  • SPHERO 2.0 DAD’S DAY GIVEAWAY

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: D-scoveries, Gadgets, Giveaways, Sponsored Posts

    15 Comments

    Speaking primarily as a man and as a 43 year old ‘man-child’, there’s two things I’ve always enjoyed playing with, (but we’ll leave Mumma out of this for now). Two ‘other’ things I’ve always been fond of playing with, are balls and technology. And until now, these two things have always been utilised completely separate from each other, (discounting the DIY robot hand debacle of ’87; still wincing after that one). But thanks to some very clever folks at GoSphero.com, they’ve melded them together to make the coolest frickin’ thing ever!

    Sphero 2.0

    Check out this video as Indy and I put our Sphero to the test.

    So…What Is Sphero?

    Sphero is the app-controlled ball that does it all. (more…)

  • THOMAS BED BIRTHDAY

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 1-2 years, Events, The Baby Years

    2 Comments

    Happy Birthday Indy!!

    Today our son turns 2. Simply amazing how quickly the time flies by. Why only yesterday, he was still in a cot, but not today…

    It’s your Birthday! And what an excellent little helper you are.

    Enjoy your Thomas big bed, little man xxx (more…)

  • WELCOME TO NEUTERVILLE. POPULATION…ME!

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: Body Functions, D-scoveries, Events

    3 Comments

    When it comes to severing ties with those you hold nearest and dearest to your sack heart, you gotta weigh up your options. I had considered the Something About Mary home vasectomy kit, but when it comes to frank’n’beans, I opt for something a little less tearful to the eye and prefer to not end in the phrase, “We got a bleeder!”

    And being the open-minded fella that I am, I went with an Open-ended vasectomy.

    Which sounds like wrestling two garden hoses as they spray haphazardly out your trousers. Open-ended actually means the tubes are cut off and only one end is tied off. Your body still continues to produce sperm but it’s absorbed back into your body within 15 seconds. Kind of like when you dribble soup down your chin and quickly suck it back in before it drips on your cargo pants. Minus the slurping sound. It’s quick and scalpel-free. Best of all, I have a fully legitimate reason for literally being, SELF-ABSORBED.

    And my practitioner of choice…

    Dr Snip logo

    True dat! Dr Nicholas Demediuk (aka Dr Snip®), has performed over 20,000 vasectomies (and I thought I met a lot of ‘dicks’ in my profession). So he can pretty much do this with his eyes closed (but thankfully, doesn’t).

    It all begins at home the night before when I have to shave my own ‘region’. A little whipper-snip and back burning to bring the manscape back to bare. There’s a reason you don’t take selfies when you’re shaving for a vasectomy. None of the angles do you any favours. Oh, the indignity. I don’t think I breathed during the whole ordeal.

    Come game-day and a plaque on the wall reads, ‘Carpe Scrotum’ which if you know your Latin, is somewhat less than comforting (Seize the Scrotum). Man, I hope that’s a serving suggestion and not a direct order. Sounds like the Spartans war cry from ‘300’. However, Dr Nick assures me it’s less painful than going to the dentist, but then again, I never had a dentist pull teeth out through my scrotum. (more…)

  • THE SEX NAZI: NO SEX FOR YOU!

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 2nd Trimester, Events, In the Womb, Ultrasound

    17 Comments

    We had our 20 week scan and got to see our beautiful girl doing tumble turns in the oven. It’s a marvel of technology to be able to see everything going on inside. That’s the humerus…“Gee, I thought it’d be funnier?” I said. The stenographer smiled politely. Mumma topped me without missing a beat…“we thought you would be, too.” Then high-fived each other with their eyes. It was a good call, but stung like a prick to the testes.

    Our gal is growing marvellously and we couldn’t be happier. The placenta is a little low, and seeing as we have no experience in cheering one up, we have to get another scan at 32 weeks to ensure it’s not obstructing the birth canal. That will determine whether or not she takes the natural route or gets ejected through the skylight.

    We followed that up today with a visit to the Midwife clinic, where we had a couple followers of our own. A friend from our Mothers group and a friend of Mumma’s sister, both midwifery students, accompanying and observing our appointments. It’s a little unusual to hear the Doctor call out your wife’s name…and four people get up and walk in! Like Bill Paxton and his ‘Big Love’ Mormon Wives. Our own private entourage. (more…)

Justin P Bechtold is a comedian, designer, screenwriter and HomeDad. Written and performed all over the world (man, someone's gotta clean that up). This blog explores my comic misadventures of being a first time dad from the ripe old 'middle-age" of 40.

  • COMEDIAN

    WHAT I DO

    Standup Comedy, Sketch Comedy, Comedy Writing. If it’s funny, then I’ll do it. It’s in my blood. Seriously…last week I cut my finger and three clowns fell out!

  • DESIGNER

    WHAT I CREATE

    PEOPLE (well, one person at least. Not sure how many more I have left in me?). Also create Logos, business cards, posters. (Not at the same time, mind you. I have to feed my son at some point).

  • SCREENWRITER

    WHAT I WRITE

    Did I mention Comedy? I also write Blogs, Action-Adventure tent pole features and TV Shows. And one time, at Band Camp, I wrote my name in the snow!

  • HOMEDAD

    WHAT I LEARN

    Something new every day, fo’shizzle. An amazing son who astounds me every day with his antics and an even more amazing wife who’s astounded my mine. Trust me, you don’t want to know. (Really, quit poking me). Alright then, you asked for it…Scroll Away!

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