A FIRST TIME DAD'S ADVENTURES IN FATHERHOOD AT THE RIPE OLD 'MIDDLE-AGE' OF 40, AND BEYOND.
Mumma and I tried having kids for over 10 years. 9 failed attempts at IVF, a few miscarriages and a trip to a Balinese Witch Doctor, but still no dice. Now suddenly at the age of 40, we're blessed with two naturally occurring chatterboxes which is nothing short of an absolute 'miracle'. This blog captures my comedic adventures in fatherhood at the ripe old 'middle-age' of 40 and beyond.
We’ve all seen them on the net. The creepy things toddlers say that makes you think they’ve lived another life as a serial killer or frightened the bajeezus out of you because ‘they see dead people.’
We’ve had our own experiences that not only raised a curious eyebrow, but that eyebrow actually crept so far back over the top of my head, it actually disappeared down my ass crack for its own protection.
There’s three instances in particular I’ll choose to focus on.
Creepy Instance #1: The Phantom Footsteps
For about two years now, Indy has mentioned a constant sound he hears, particularly at night. He says whenever he closes his eyes, he sees feet creeping and running around and that they make a kind of sshh-sshh-sshh sound as they walk. I mentioned one time that it was probably me coming in to check on his clock and put his snacks and water beside his bed for the morning, hoping that would make him feel better. Now he prefers I don’t do that so he doesn’t hear my footsteps. Only now, things have cranked up a notch… (more…)
If you have kids under 5, then no doubt you’ll be familiar with biscuit crumbs wedged in the cracks of your car seat and couch. You’ll also most likely be familiar with CBeebies TV shows, Hey Duggee and Go Jetters. They’re two of our most favourite shows to watch, if you can actually see the screen beneath a myriad of greasy fingerprints and two heads clambering to get as close to the screen as possible, whenever they come on. So, the excitement of meeting Duggee and Ubercorn in real-life was as high as my hairline. (more…)
You’ve no doubt heard the term, ‘Two’s company, three’s a crowd’, but did you ever bank on ‘the crowd’ being half this cute? Or should that be, three times as cute? Thankfully, this is as close to having triplets as we’re ever going to get.
For the last two years, Lightning McQueen has reigned supreme in pole position on our boy’s interest leaderboard, until yesterday, when a new contender emerged victorious atop the Winner’s Podium – Mark ‘Frosty’ Winterbottom.
Not since The Marx Brothers has there been such a crazy and fun ‘Day At The Races’, and excited as we were to get up close and personal with McQueen and Mack at the Disney/Pixar Cars Truck Tour, we had no idea just how close and personal things were about to get. Crazy close and personal.
The Disney/Pixar Cars Truck Tour was housed in the Disney Interactive Zone inside the Phillip Island Grand Prix Circuit during the WD 40 Phillip Island Supersprints, which sounds like a bunch of running robot athletes racing each other without a single squeak, but is actually a full-on, high-octane V8 Supercar Racecar Event. Discounting the slot-car set Indy got for Christmas, we’ve never been this close to an actual race track before and there really is a certain vibe, buzz and thrill in the air around it. (more…)
YEEHAW! Buckle up and put your pedal-to-the-metal because Lightning McQueen and Mack are rolling right out of Radiator Springs and revving right up to our very doorstep. Yes, indeed. Disney/Pixar, Mack Trucks and V8 Supercars are excited to announce that The Disney/Pixar Cars Truck Tour will be touring Phillip Island this weekend!
When I was a kid, I loved going to the dentist. Or rather, the dentist would come to us. Huddled in a little caravan parked inside the school, we clambered in one-by-one like a budget version of Noah’s Ark, in order to have our teeth examined, cleaned and filled (as necessary) and when we spat out our last mouthful of fluoride into the spittoon provided and wiped the dribble from our lips, he’d tell us what a great job we did, hand us our cellophane-wrapped lollipop and send us off with a cheery, “See you next year.” It was a…hold-up, did I just say lollipop? Hold the phone, this guy was keeping himself in business! (more…)
As a kid, one of my fondest memories of my own Daddy was when we were stopped at traffic lights in our green HR Holden and when the lights changed green, my Dad just sat there laughing his head off. Cars banked up behind us and people hollered and hooted their horns at us to move, but still, my Dad just sat there and laughed and laughed. Pretty soon, a motorcycle cop came riding up beside us and motioned for my Dad to move on, but still he looked and laughed. The cop came to the window and when he told my Dad to get a move on, my Dad just laughed at him and said, ‘I can’t do that.” The cop looked at him sternly and asked, “What’s the problem?” To which my Dad, still laughing his head off, held up the gear stick from the column shift that had snapped right off in his hand when he tried to change gears when the lights changed. It’s clear we weren’t going anywhere. (more…)
Wow, what a nut-cracker of a day we had today when we hosted our very own official ‘Chipnic Party’ to help celebrate the digital release of Alvin & the Chipmunks: The Road Chip movie, on iTunes, just before Easter.
Not since the fall of the Berlin Wall, the courtship of Rachel and Ross or the time Mumma looked at me suggestively and said, “you know, the kids are both asleep”, has there been such an air of excitement and eager anticipation. It was all hands and paws on deck as we prepped and fluffed with the help of some fury friends to get things ‘chip-shape’ for the big day. (more…)
I'm a comedian, screenwriter and HomeDad to two gorgeous kids and a hubby to a most brilliant wife and Mumma.
Comedy is in my blood. Seriously, last week I cut my finger and three clowns fell out.
I write feature film and television screenplays and one time, at band camp, I wrote my name in the snow.
To two little scruffins who are the absolute apples of my eye, the bees to my knees and the pain in my…oh, hey kids, Daddy’s working.
Who said you could look at my stuff? Well, okay. Seeing as you came all the way down here, but please don't feed the elephant in the corner. I'm the one who has to clean it up afterwards and it can get pretty 'whiffy' down here, let me tell you.