PRE-NATAL CLASSES

  • SCHOOL IS…OUT!

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 3rd Trimester, Pre-Natal Classes, Thoughts

    3 Comments

    Had our final Prenatal Childbirth Class today, which means school is…OUT!

    And boy…did we learn some lessons.

    Topics we covered included different ways of inducing births. Who would have guessed that a crochet needle, could also be used to break somebody’s water? (I will be forever suspicious of Grannies knitting booties in the foyer.)

    The side-splitting walkthrough of a cesarian. (Which incidentally, is NOT the thirteenth Zodiac sign), but does include a bleeding goat and an altar.

    The complex and amazing subject of breast feeding. (I’m a guy…it’s always about the boobs) 🙂

    I’m all for expressing an opinion, but expressing milk?…That’s a whole other matter.

    BTW: Did you realise we’re the only mammals on the planet that gives birth to our young and then feeds it milk from a completely different mammal? Although, as far as mammals go, I guess cows were a smarter choice. Imagine if we milked whales! Not only would it be damned near impossible to grip your hands around the teat, but how would you keep the bucket from floating away underneath it? Plus, it’s pretty hard to hold your breath and suckle at the same time. (more…)

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  • SCHOOL IS…IN

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 3rd Trimester, Pre-Natal Classes, Thoughts, Tips

    1 Comment

    Schnitzel hits the big 3-0!

    30 Weeks and doing well.

    And for us, it means…school is in! (New for me, but old news for my lovely wife…she is a school teacher after all).

    But this is school…with a difference. The kind of school that’s mandatory to watch videos of naked women, where sleeping in class is encouraged (why else would they ask you to bring in two pillows?) and instead of a diploma, you get a placenta. That’s right, I’m talking about…

    Child Birthing Classes!

    Or…“How to scare the living sh*t out of yourself, without really trying”.

    This is the business end of the stick folks. Here’s my down-on-all-fours, nitty gritty, Top 10 ways to scare you and your partner into thinking, “what the hell have we got ourselves into?”

    #10 – Epidurals: A javelin jammed in your spine to make the badman (pain), go away.

    #9 – Six different massage positions designed to help ease pain and discomfort during the 2nd stage of labour (and coincidentally, the very same positions that got us into this situation in the first place).

    #8 – Describing birthing pain as…indescribable. (Oh goody, put me down for two, then).

    #7 – The birthing room is, “no place for jokes”. (Come on, you’re killin’ me, here!). (more…)

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