DAD MISHAPS

  • PARENTAL INTIMACY: A RISKY MONKEY-BUSINESS

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 3-5 years, Dad Mishaps, Toddler Years

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    Parental Intimacy: There’s Always A Chance

    If you’re a parent, then you know the very act of intimacy that got you into that predicament in the first place, is a far less common practice than your tiredness (and children) will allow. The spirit is willing but the body is weak, as the old saying goes.

    In some instances, it can be as rare as a Halley’s Comet sighting. A once or twice-a-lifetime thing, if you’re lucky. In others, it’s like a star-nosed mole that is spotted occasionally, but only at night. And when you have two early-risers who bound out of bed with a rocket-force of 5 million Newtons at the mere suggestion the sun could be coming up at any second, then the chance of a ‘morning-nookie’ is exactly the same as Karl Stefanovic quitting drinking.

    It’s slim, but as Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber will tell you, there’s always a chance. (more…)

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  • DADDY’S HOME: DVD GIVEAWAY

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: Dad Mishaps, Events, Giveaways, Trailers

    28 Comments

    As a kid, one of my fondest memories of my own Daddy was when we were stopped at traffic lights in our green HR Holden and when the lights changed green, my Dad just sat there laughing his head off. Cars banked up behind us and people hollered and hooted their horns at us to move, but still, my Dad just sat there and laughed and laughed. Pretty soon, a motorcycle cop came riding up beside us and motioned for my Dad to move on, but still he looked and laughed. The cop came to the window and when he told my Dad to get a move on, my Dad just laughed at him and said, ‘I can’t do that.” The cop looked at him sternly and asked, “What’s the problem?” To which my Dad, still laughing his head off, held up the gear stick from the column shift that had snapped right off in his hand when he tried to change gears when the lights changed. It’s clear we weren’t going anywhere. (more…)

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  • GREAT STRIDES

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 3-5 years, D-scoveries, Dad Mishaps, Events, Toddler Years

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    For a couple weeks now our boy has been exhibiting great strides in independence. Wanting to do many things on his own like climbing the playground equipment, taking himself to the potty or trading blue chip shares on Wall Street.

    But today at 3 years and 15 days, our little boy surprised us both when for the very first time in his life he sidled up to my side of the bed at 6:47am to announce…

    “Me dress myself!”

    A feat even some adults find difficult to accomplish, especially at 6:47am on a Monday. And when my bleary eyes failed me, my hands ran across him in the darkness like a brail Detective novel. Confirming that yes, he’d managed to Houdini his way out of the zip-up onesie, singlet and pull-up he went to bed in and was now wearing jocks, tracky-dacks, a t-shirt and a long-sleeve top. Mind you, the t-shirt was inside out and his right arm was twisted inside the sleeve of his top like an anaconda in a burlap sack, but the evidence was clear. He’d managed it all on his own.

    My immediate thrill then turned to despair as I realised my boy is growing up and every day, requires our assistance less and less. And in my moment of self-pity, a sudden thought struck me, ‘Did you have a poo in your pull-ups?’  (more…)

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  • EVOLUTION OF DADS

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: D-scoveries, Dad Mishaps, Events

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    Being a Dad is a pretty awesome and often tough job.

    It’s funny to look back on my memories of my Baby Boomer Dad and compare them to myself today and just how ‘uncool’ I feel in comparison. Like the sideburns and handle-bar moustache which required a permit to feed them. Flares so wide you could hide a Boeing jet behind them. Collars so long and pointed they were registered as lethal weapons. Not to mention the platform shoes so high, you had to run up three flights of stairs just to get into them. Yet, somehow…

    He was cool.

    Maybe because he reminded me of Steve Austin, the Bionic Man. My younger brother still has furrows in his brow from trying to replicate that stoic powerful cocking of the eyebrow that both my Dad and Steve had in common.

    Maybe it was because he played guitar and was good…damn good.

    Or maybe it was because he used to draw cowboys for me on the back of the Weeties box for me to cut out and play with.

    Or maybe its just because he was my dad, that he just seemed larger than life and cooler than cool.

    Maybe my kids will feel the same about me?

    Not realising that truth be told, I still feel like a bumbling teenager trying to fudge my way through it. (more…)

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  • POTTY TRAINING FOR BEGINNERS

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 2-3 years, Dad Mishaps, Daipers, Events, Toddler Years

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    The day had finally arrived. The one I’d been looking forward to for the last two and a half years. The day I could finally breath a great sigh of relief that I would never again have to change another wet or smelly diaper. Let the ceremonial burning of the nappy begin.

    Freedom and liberation for all! The time had come…

    Indy went on the potty…HOORAY!

    He also went on the carpet, the tiles, in front of the fridge, under the table, on the couch, behind the couch, over the heat vent in someone else’s house, in his pants, on my pants, in his bed and on his bed. Though never in a sneaky I shouldn’t be doing this fashion, but always with bold confidence and a spring in his step. Mind you, that could just be the mandatory shaking of the last drops. Which only leads to one conclusion… (more…)

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  • SANTA’S NO DUMMY AT CHRISTMAS

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 2-3 years, Dad Mishaps, Events, Toddler Years

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    If there was ever a Christmas we were eagerly excited and scared about, it was this one. Reasons being, this is the first Christmas where Indy could actually grasp hold of the concepts of Santa, good boys and girls, and of course…presents. The scary part being, it’s also the same Christmas we’re teaching our boy about ‘giving’ as well as receiving and we discussed the idea of giving his dummy to Santa.

    A conversation that was well supported by Santa and the helpful elves at PNP Portable North Pole, which if you haven’t gotten onto it yet, it’s an amazing service that provides custom videos and phone calls from Santa himself, direct from the North Pole in preparation for the big night. You can upload photos and input information and Santa talks directly to you by name, and in our case, Santa told Indy that he hoped he could stop using his dummy and that he will bring him a new bike for Christmas.

    We played that video every day and each time, Indy would get excited and tell us he would give his dummy to Santa and that Santa would give him a bike. It was very cute and exciting to watch. But when push came to shove, would he actually be able to part with his ‘bwue duddy’ when the time came? It’s been his security for the term of his entire life! Almost like giving up a limb, I expect?

    Santa paid the family a visit on Christmas Eve and two things shocked us immediately. First of all, straight up without even uttering a single word from Santa, as soon as he approached, Indy looked quizzically at him then excitedly exclaimed… (more…)

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  • MY FART MADE MY BOY CRY

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 2-3 years, Body Functions, Dad Mishaps, Toddler Years

    6 Comments

    It seems rather ironic that I have written on numerous occasions about the horrid putrid fart or odours that have emanated from my son’s nappy. Well, today…that all came back to bite me on the bum (so to speak).

    We were awakened around 6:30am by a sweet cherub face who insisted on crawling into bed with us. Mumma sleeps near the door, giving her an uninterrupted pathway to the ensuite bathroom (which is an absolute necessity for a heavily pregnant woman), but it also means our boy needs crampons, rock climbing rope and possibly a Tibetan Sherpa to help him climb the mountain into our bed.

    Finding the task a little difficult to mount, he decided upon a much easier, but even worse option…to just climb in under the covers instead of going over the top. A decision that almost cost him his life! (more…)

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  • ANTS IN OUR PANTS

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 1-2 years, Dad Mishaps, The Baby Years

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    Two days of constant rain. Bailed up, inside Oma and Opa’s place. The backyard is right there, but may as well be a hundred miles away. Two foreheads pressed against the glass, yearning for freedom. One at head height, the other round about knee. That’s when it happened…

    The stupidest idea I’d ever had as a father.

    We both saw it. A break in the weather. A crack in the clouds where golden rays of light spilled down taunting us like a beckoning finger.

    Let’s do it.

    Before you can even say “let’s do it”, he was already rapping on the window, shoes in hand, pleading with Mumma to let him out into the sun. “Okay,” she said, “but you should probably take Indy with you.”  — Fine (sulk, sulk)…

    Off we go. Two intrepid explorers venturing off into the wilderness. Indiana Jones would be proud. Father and son, off to conquer the elements and take on the surrounds like Bear Grylls in Man vs Wild.

    Through the back gate and out into the back paddock. Trudging through knee-high grass, I turned to see Indy’s head bobbing just above the grass-line, grinning from ear to ear. The ground teeming with life. Bugs and insects foraging, building, reinforcing after the rains. Me and my boy, collecting rocks and jumping over puddles. A true Huck Finn moment.

    (more…)

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  • THE SHOCKING TRUTH

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 1-2 years, Dad Mishaps, Events, Gadgets, Sponsored Posts, The Baby Years, Uncategorized

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    It’s the call you never want to get while holidaying in Bali. Life is high, you’re on top of the world and suddenly it hits. That apprehensive voice on the other end of the line calling from home in Australia. Right from the get go, you detect a slight tremor in the voice and a stunted hesitance which can only mean one thing…

    What do you mean, dead?

    “There was a thunder storm. An enormous power surge. It was very quick, there was nothing I could do…”

    Don’t say it. Don’t tell me, I don’t want to hear it!

    “I’m really, really sorry, but…your modem got fried. Your internet…is dead.”

    Nooooooooooooooo!

    “It also blew up your microwave and the central heating has stopped working as well. And it’s totally freezing!”

    Not quite the news you want to hear while you’re away on holiday. The trip was costing us enough as it is, but our niece was doing us a favour by house-sitting for us while we were away. So we felt we owed it to her to at least make sure we didn’t come home to a frozen Popsicle gnawing on the leg of a sofa, and sprung for a new microwave, heating and most importantly…a new modem, so she wasn’t completely cut off from the outside world. (Okay, so I didn’t have to go a day without internet access once we got home…stop twisting my arm, you got what you needed).

    (more…)

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  • BIRD IN THE HAND, 3 IN THE BUSH

    AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 1-2 years, D-scoveries, Dad Mishaps, Events, The Baby Years

    7 Comments

    ‘Twas the day before Christmas and all through the yard, not a creature was stirring except for…a bird?

    Three birds, that is!

    Pruning back the hedge bush like giving Zach Galifianakis a Brazilian, I was startled to discover…we we’re not alone.

    For just as Zach Galifianakis’ beautician would have been surprised to discover a small Vietnamese family dwelling in his undergrowth, I too discovered a small nest of blackbirds residing in our bush.

    Seeing as Santa had given me a heads up regarding the size of a certain gift coming for Indy, it was necessary to make some room in the backyard. Which meant digging out and transplanting a few bushes, but when I happened upon this little feathered family, it was time to down tools. (more…)

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