FIDDLY BITS

  • AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 1-2 years, D-scoveries, Daipers, Events, The Baby Years

    5 Comments

    Darkness looms. A figure hunches in the shadows of his nightly prison, incoherent whispers hush quietly, incessantly. A crack of light from an open door spills across the figure, illuminates his damp and blotchy skin. Like Gollum from Lord of The Rings, the creature springs up, shields its eyes from the piercing glare. Its fiddly fingers conceal and protect his ‘precious’ from anyone who would dare try to steal it. The frenzied whispers rise to an audible exclamation as the creature leaps toward the bars and yells excitedly…

    “Wee-wee!”

    Yes, at 21 months of age, our son has discovered his ‘precious’ which he kindly refers to as his ‘wee-wee’. And like Lara Bingle and bad publicity, he just can’t get enough of it. Which is not really a problem in itself. I mean, we both knew it was inevitable that he would eventually find it, and if he wasn’t meant to play with it then God would have given him shorter arms or put it somewhere you can’t reach, like the spot between your shoulder blades or on top of the fridge. But what makes things challenging, is that he tends to dig around inside his nappy for it when he’s in bed and as a result, pees all over himself and the bed.

    So there we are, a tag-team midnight pit crew change. Mumma strips him down and changes his Cookie Monster jammies on the change table, while I strip down and reassemble the cot. Done and dusted in under a minute. Our precision is envious. The whole thing to him occurred as a psychedelic blur of light and fleece, to which his only recollection in the morning must be, ‘how did I change pyjamas in the middle of the night?’ But even then, the flannelette cowboys on his second pyjamas have already worked up a sweat, as he’d been digging around and struck liquid gold, yet again.

    We tried dressing him in a onesie underneath, but he still manages to dig down into it. And I get it, the allure is intoxicating. An unbreakable bond. And rightly so. The two of you will no doubt become firm friends. See each other through hard times and not, through all the ups and downs that life has to offer.

    I had considered the idea of tying elastic around his wrists, just long enough that he still has freedom to move around, but not quite long enough to reach the playground. But as Mumma slowly reached for the phone at the very mention of that idea, I too saw the idiocy of that plan. I mean, sure, that might work as an adult but as a toddler, it has bungee written all over it.

    Perhaps it’s just a stage he’s going through that he will eventually grow out of in another 40 years or so? But if anyone out there has a trick or solution up their sleeve (no pun intended…okay, I lied. Pun fully intended), then I am all ears. Until then, the washing machine is on high alert and I am scouring eBay for an all-over-body or chastity nappy.

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COMMENTS

5 Responses to Fiddly Bits

  • Ma wrote on April 8, 2014 at 8:23 // Reply

    LMAO lol lol lol lol

  • Vicki @ Knocked Up & Abroad wrote on April 12, 2014 at 9:29 // Reply

    Yeah nah I’m no help with that. That’s hard with the nappy thing. I have a boy who likes to inspect his boyhood, all too frequently. We’ve had it out in all places much to Mamma’s embarrassment. It’s not my area of expertise but I just try to explain it’s for private and not penis shame him too much about it. It’s just a curiosity but I may not feel so calm about it if fiddling was getting me out of bed changing wet sheets and PJ’s!!! Definitely a stage. It’ll grow old soon. Hang in there!

    • 40YrOldDad wrote on April 12, 2014 at 10:14 // Reply

      I don’t want to shame him either, Vicki. It’s a tricky area. I thought maybe because we point it down when we put the nappy on, it might get a little uncomfortable for him when things get a bit stiff down there, and he’s just trying to free things up a bit? Only time will tell I guess. Until then, we’ll dress him in a raincoat at bedtime.

  • Thomo wrote on May 7, 2014 at 11:55 // Reply

    Like you mentioned he probably won’t grow out of it for many decades yet. Most guys don’t until it stops functioning properly. My little boy is just over two and his hands never venture down his pants, his mother drummed it into him early that everything in his nappy was yucky.

    Your little bloke will get over it, it’s just a novelty at the moment.

    • 40YrOldDad wrote on May 8, 2014 at 12:09 // Reply

      I sure hope so, I’m getting over the daily stripping down and replacing of sheets because he can no longer get to it from the top, thanks to the new onesie singlets that were suggested to us, but he’s managing to get it out the side and peeing in his sleep. All part of the fun of fatherhood, I guess. Cheers, Thomo.

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