COCK-BLOCKER!

  • AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: 1-2 years, D-scoveries, The Baby Years, Thoughts

    4 Comments

    If you’re unfamiliar with the term, a “cock-blocker” is somebody or something that interferes with a man’s intention and ability to get to ‘home plate’ with the respective object of his desire. In other words, prevents you from…gittin’ sum.

    And when you have a one year old child in your midst, then you know the last year has been a little lean in that regard. Suffice to say, ‘uninterrupted alone-time together’ is as rare as hen’s teeth, (or complimentary reviews about Lara Bingle.)

    And this past week has been a stark reminder that if calculations are off, even NASA can’t get the Space Shuttle safely through the re-entry window without an explosive shower of fire and debris. I’m no astronaut and it shouldn’t be rocket science to figure it out. It’s all about ‘timing’, so as a comedian, I should have that in spades.

    But what I can’t account for, is other people’s timing. Random surprise drop-ins from family members just before things start to get biz-ay. A horrendous bout of gastro which meant, even when we had time together, it was spent interchanging between sleep and driving the porcelain bus. And then finally, when it was all over, baby in bed, the house all quiet and the stars align…and just as I get the ‘all clear’ from NASA…

    Ahh, Huston…we have a problem…

    On the monitor…our little man is jumping up and down in his cot ‘wailing’.

    Mumma insists, “Sorry…I’d better go check on him”. And as she ventures through the dark void of space to rescue our child and put him at ease, I roll away from the gentle glow of the monitor…

    And jump up and down on my own bed…wailing…“Cock-blocker!”

    no entry shuttle

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COMMENTS

4 Responses to Cock-blocker!

  • Rory mouttet wrote on July 25, 2013 at 11:29 // Reply

    Ahahaha. Complimentary review of Lara Bingle. I feel for you!

    • 40YrOldDad wrote on July 29, 2013 at 11:45 // Reply

      Thanks for the support, Rory. Nobody should have to face anything with Lara Bingle in it, alone 😉

  • Lisa @ Cut My Milk wrote on July 26, 2013 at 12:00 // Reply

    One of our little cock-blockers sleeps in our room. Deep space is vewy vewy quiet in there when it happens. If it happens. The other 4 cock-blockers are downstairs. But you know what the biggest cock-blocker is? My husband announcing, “Let’s hope this doesn’t bring on number 6.” Yep. Us chicks feel it, too.

    • 40YrOldDad wrote on July 29, 2013 at 11:49 // Reply

      Holy crap, Lisa. With an announcement like that, I think everything would fold up shop quicker than George Jetson’s spaceship folds into a briefcase!

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